Bachelorette Gone Wrong
by Les-Gateaux
Summary: Determined to get his niece married, Nanjiroh organizes his own version of 'The Bachelorette'. However, all the participants seem to be falling for Ryoma instead...AU, FujiTezRyo (with a hint of Atobe)
1. The Beginning

Disclaimer: If I told anyone I owned PoT, they'd think I smoke it.

Bachelorette Gone Wrong

Chapter One - The Beginning

Nanjiroh turned and gazed very thoughtfully at his niece. He wasn't considering incest; that was going a bit far, even for him. He was merely pondering a few mysteries concerning the girl, such as:

1) Why she thought he was immature,

2) Why she thought Karupin was cute (evil demon cat from hell),

3) Why she thought Ryoma wasn't a good-for-nothing brat, and

4) Why she wasn't married.

The last one was the most concerning to him right now. The Echizen family was rich enough - all right, extremely rich, considering the millions Nanjiroh had made during his debut as a tennis pro - and yet Nanako showed no interest in any suitors. She was pretty enough, smart enough, but apparently way too picky for her own good.

Leaping up from where he was sprawled across the floor, Nanjiroh turned to the breakfast table and announced, "Nanako, you're getting married."

They ignored him, as usual.

He seethed. "Oi! Minna!"

"Urusai." Ryoma took another sip from his glass and continued playing with Karupin under the table.

Noticing that he wasn't getting much of a reaction (or, in Rinko and Nanako's case, any reaction at all), he resorted to drastic measures. Sometimes, things needed to be sacrificed. Pulling out last month's swimsuit issue of his favorite magazine, he tossed it on the table, right on his son's bacon.

As usual, both the women began screeching at him, while Ryoma absently picked up the issue and tossed it to Karupin. The cat took great pleasure in shredding things.

Despite the fact that some of his 'swimsuit beauties' were disappearing under Karupin's claws, Nanjiroh cleared his throat. "Now that I have your attention..."

His son stood, drained the milk, and started towards the door. "Ja."

"Oi, seishounen! Sit down! Now!"

Ryoma turned, leaning against the door, with his usual smirk. "Yadda."

As long as the brat was within hearing distance, it was good enough for him. "All right. Nanako, you are getting married," he said, for the second time in ten minutes.

There was utter silence, broken by Karupin's meowing as he ripped off the cover of the magazine.

Cue the explosion.

"_What_ am I doing?" Nanako exclaimed, backed by Rinko, who, as usual, thought her husband was insane. Ryoma blinked, decided that this was a 'girl thing', and tried tiptoeing out the door.

Unfortunately for him, the former tennis pro's reflexes were still quite sharp, and he found himself being literally thrown onto the couch.

"Well," Nanako muttered, "it's not like I haven't considered it, but there just aren't any decent people aroun dhere."

"Exactly my point!" Nanjiroh grinned eagerly, a fanatical gleam in his eyes. "You all remember the TV shows in America, right? Well, we're going to set up that one called the Bach...the Bak..."

"Bachelorette?" Ryoma supplied helpfully.

"Yes, that." Nanjiroh nodded. "Plus we'll look over the resumes so you can get a nice, preferrably rich guy and get out of this house so you stop burning up all my magazines!"

Nanako and Rinko exchanged _looks._ "Well, it could work," Rinko began.

"As long as _I_ get to choose the contestants...and can reject them all if I want..."

"And we're shipping you off to Madagascar during the length of the contest," Rinko announced to Nanjiroh. "You're embarrassing."

"How am I embarrassing?" the beleagured man squeaked indignantly.

Ryoma glanced up. "Do you have a few hours? I'll list out your faults for you."

"All right, so it's settled." Rinko nodded. "We're going to hold that contest thing here, and we'll ship Nanjiroh off somewhere. Ok?"

Nanako nodded, smiling.

Ryoma darted out of the door. He'd miss having his cousin around. She was the only one who could cook.

A few seconds later, he forgot all about it.

* * *

English really was too easy a class. Even though he was in high school, he was pretty sure it wasn't harder at all than the middle school curriculum.

Ryoma finished scribbling down the essay question (who do you admire, and why) and raised his hand. "I'm done."

The teacher glanced at the clock. "Well, um, you have forty minutes to check it over..."

"Don't need it." He handed over his paper.

The man scanned it. _I admire Karupin because my cat has the ability to sleep everywhere, eat anything, and manages to bite my father without getting punished. Of course, that's mostly my cousin's influence, because she thinks Karupin is a lot more important than my father. Still, sometimes I'd like to attack my father. He's so irritating. Anyways, Karupin's also fuzzy and warm and cuddly, and amazingly intelligent. For a cat, that is. Probably in human standards too, judging by the I.Q.s of my classmates._

"Interesting perspective, Echizen-kun. But, um, you were supposed to write about a human."

"You didn't specify."

The teacher frowned. "Well, I suppose..."

Ryoma flopped over and promptly fell asleep.

He woke with a start when the bell rang, racing out towards the cafeteria. He needed to get there before a certain junior oaf did, for obvious reasons. Once Momoshiro reached the food, it was basically hopeless for anyone else to eat.

Unfortunately, Momo was faster by a milisecond, and Ryoma found himself staring at a row of empty trays. Damnit.

He followed his sempai to the nearest table. "Give me that," he muttered, snatching a random item from the other boy's overfilling tray. He inspected it. "Momo-sempai...what's this?"

"Eh?" Momo's eyes flickered over. "Hey, that's _my_ strawberry roll! Give it back!"

"Strawberry roll? Ugh." Ryoma dropped the offending item and settled on snatching a slice of chocolate cake instead. "Thanks for the food."

Momo, halfway through consuming the aforementioned strawberry roll, blinked. "Hey, you're paying for that! Echizen!"

His companion leisurely took another bite out of the cake, savoring the taste. Sugar was good. "My cousin's getting married."

"Nanako?" Momo stared at him. "The hot one?"

"I only have one cousin, you oaf."

He ignored the insult. "To who?"

"We don't know yet. Have you ever seen the show 'The Bachelorette'?"

Momo ran the name through his mind a few times. "No."

"Well, we're just going to choose a few people to live with her for a while, and she'll choose some to meet my mother, and then I guess she'll choose one overall." Ryoma shrugged. "Don't ask me. It was my baka oyaji's idea."

"And you're choosing absolutely random people?"

"My father wants the rich ones, Nanako wants the...er...pretty ones, and my mother wants the nice ones. I don't care, as long as they don't bother me."

Momo nodded thoughtfully. "I see. Hey, think I qualify?"

"She's too old for you. Besides, that would be gross." Ryoma shuddered, and drowned the mental image in (Momo's) can of Ponta.

* * *

"We were talking about it while you were at school," Rinko announced, "and we decided that we're going to have thirty-two people live in this house for a few months."

Ryoma's tennis racket clattered to the ground. "Say _what_?"

"Well, I want a nice, wide selection," Nanako chirped. "And there should be a long time period, since I need to completely determine their personalities."

"Since when did you get so excited about this?" Ryoma muttered at his cousin.

She smiled. "Well, we've been talking about it, and I actually like the idea. Imagine! Maybe I'll find a Prince Charming..."

Ryoma backed away from the sudden sparkles in her eyes and turned to Nanjiroh. "Can I go with you to Madagascar?"

* * *

School was horrible.

"Hey, Echizen! That contest your family's holding is in the newspaper! I didn't know you guys were millionaires!"

Holy shit.

"Echizen! Your cousin's so hot!"

He resisted the urge to bang people's heads together.

"Are you guys going to be on TV?"

"No, we are not! Leave me alone!" It wasn't that he was introverted – all right, he was – but this was getting maddening. He was tempted to run screaming down the halls and jump out a window.

"Oi, Echizen!"

"I said, leave me…oh, Momo-sempai."

The junior fell in step beside him. "You seem a bit harrassed."

"That's an understatement." If Ryoma was female, he would have pouted. Actually, if he'd been younger than sixteen, he would have pouted. As it was, he did the more 'mature' thing and sulked.

Momo laughed at him.

_That insufferable bastard…_ "Don't laugh! Bakayaro!"

"I can't help it! It's really quite funny." He continued chuckling to himself before noticing his companion's eyes were flaring. "Echizen…heheh…your eyes are, um, really red right now…"

"_Don't laugh._"

"Got it." Momo vowed never to anger an Echizen again. After a moment's pause, he remarked, "Want to go grab a burger after school?"

Ryoma shrugged. "Sure. You're paying, right?"

"No way! Why would I pay for a millionaire to eat a burger?"

The boy's eyes flashed.

Momo squeaked. "Um, I mean, of course I'm paying."

"Good to see we have an understanding." Ryoma stalked away, the door of his math classroom banging shut.

The teacher sat at the desk with her head in her hands. Ryoma _almost _felt bad for her. Almost. He would have felt a lot more sympathetic if he hadn't been surrounded by practically the whole class.

"Ryoma-sama! Is it true you're holding The Bachelorette at your mansion?"

"It's not a mansion."

"Can you introduce us to all the hot guys that show up?"

Ryoma blinked. "Yadda."

"Hey, Echizen! Are we allowed to participate?" That was from the male half of the class.

"Nanako-san says she doesn't like anyone in this area." He took sadistic pleasure in crushing his classmate's hopes. It was their fault, anyways; they were the ones bothering him.

The fangirling continued on in this vein for quite a while.

He cast a glance at the clock. Three minutes to go. Had they really been discussing this topic the whole period?

"Ryoma-sama! Can we be the flower girls at your cousin's wedding?"

The bell rang. He sprinted out of the room, colliding with Momoshiro. "Momo-sempai! Get me out of here!"

"Calm down, Echizen." Momo glanced around at the Ryoma-hungry fangirls. "On second thought, let's run."

They set a new record to WacDonalds.

Ryoma took a cursory glance around, deciding that it was safe and that no one was waiting to ambush him. The place wasn't that full; there were a few of the usual teenagers, along with a very pretty girl he didn't know. He raised an eyebrow at the far table. "Tachibana's sister."

An glanced up. "Konnichiwa! I heard about that contest you-"

"Shut up!" he yelled, as loudly as he dared.

She blinked at him, confused and a little hurt. "I was just going to say congratulations for winning that tennis competition."

"Eh?" Ryoma paused. "Oh. That. Sorry. Um, thanks."

Momo laughed. "Echizen's been paranoid because everyone's been bothering him about that Bachelorette thing his cousin's holding."

"Right. My brother mentioned it to me." An nodded. "I think it's cool. I hope your cousin's happy."

"She is. She's too damn happy." Ryoma groaned. He slid into the booth on the other side; Momo seated himself next to An, who didn't seem to mind at all. "What's so good about marrying a complete stranger, anyways?"

An shrugged. "I wouldn't mind being in a contest like that."

Momo growled. Audibly. An giggled at him.

"Excuse me," a voice said softly. All three glanced up to see the very pretty girl who'd been lounging in the corner. "Did you say you were Echizen-kun?"

Ryoma blinked. "Um, yes."

"Could you tell me where your house is? I was looking for it, but got lost."

He stared at her. "Why?"

"Your cousin already started accepting offers. I was one of the first, apparently."

"Offers? For what?" Ryoma was still incapable of putting two and two together, apparently.

The girl continued smiling placidly. Ryoma noticed that her eyes seemed to be continually closed. "I'm participating in the contest."

He stared at her. His gaze traveled downwards a bit, stopped, and quickly moved back upwards. "…you're a male."

"Yes, I am. Fuji Syuusuke."

"Why the hell would Nanako…ok, I give up on her." Ryoma shook his head in disbelief. "Go down this street, take a right, go until you reach the blue house, take a left, and stop at the gate that has the name 'Echizen' on it."

"Thank you." The _boy_ – Echizen was sure of this now – walked through the doors.

Momo whistled. "And here I was thinking he was a really hot girl."

An slapped him.

Ryoma buried his face in his hands. He was really considering that trip to Madagascar now.


	2. Enter the Diva

Disclaimer: See chapter one. No, really. Or if you really want a disclaimer, go ahead and write a review asking for one…

Just to clear up a few things:

**_Yes, this is AU._ **

Ryoma is sixteen. Unfortunately, none of the ages in here correspond to those in the manga. So don't get too confused.

The Echizens are millionaires. Actually, they might be in the manga, but I'm not sure, so I'm stating that here. However, since Rinko is sensible, they do not live in something resembling Atobe's mansion. Instead, they live in a large (but not Atobe-ishly large) semi-mansion, **which just so happens to have thirty-two guest rooms**….work with me here….

For Nanako-fans out there, yes, the participants will be tripping over her cousin, but **she'll find the perfect man in the end**. (Not telling who it is, though.)

The pairings – and this is what I _want_ it to be, not necessarily what's going to happen, knowing my strange writing – include **TezuFuji, FujiRyo, a few of the more normal pairings, possible Golden Pair** (depends on what I feel like), and something with Atobe in it. Just because he's my favorite character. Everyone loves a good narcissist!

Since I've only seen a few episodes in which Nanako actually appears, I don't know much about her personality. So she's a bit…airheaded in this. Sorry.

Bachelorette Gone Wrong

Chapter Two – Enter the Diva

Momoshiro gave Ryoma a ride home, mainly because he felt bad for the poor kid. Technically, a sixteen-year-old was no longer a kid, but with the aforementioned sixteen-year-old still barely over five feet…well.

The two of them walked towards the house. Momo knew his kouhai was rich, since the house was _much_ larger than a normal one, but he'd never expected the multimillionaire status. He shrugged it off, resolving not to feel uncomfortable with this newly acquired knowledge.

They paused.

And stared.

Momo turned to Ryoma. "Since when did you get six cars?"

"I don't know. Today, while I was at school, apparently." Usually, they only had two: one for Rinko, who needed to get to work (Kami-sama only knew why she kept working though they were filthy rich) and one for Ryoma, who hadn't even gotten his license yet. It was waiting for him, apparently.

The two walked through the doors. And blinked for a good five minutes.

"Wrong house," Ryoma decided, and they turned to leave.

"Ryoma-san!" Nanako called, walking out of the kitchen, looking positively delighted. Rinko had obviously dolled her up; she looked like she was going to a semi-formal dance instead of sitting at home doing nothing.

Her cousin stared at her, then at the strange people in the living room. He came up with the most logical conclusion. "You came to the wrong house, too?"

"Don't be silly," Nanako replied. She was trying to act mature, which was bad. Yes, very bad. "Come into the kitchen. You too, Momoshiro-kun."

They trailed after her dutifully.

As soon as they were in the kitchen, the façade vanished. "Kyaaaa! Aren't they so hot?"

"…we're not the ones you should be asking that question to," Ryoma pointed out.

And then it sunk in. "Wait. You already chose four people during the seven hours I was at school?"

"Yes! Isn't it great? I've been getting so many offers!" Nanako waved an armful of letters at him. "I mean, sure, some of them look like they need plastic surgery from the photos they sent, but some are just plain hot! Now, you two, do help me. I'm not supposed to associate with them yet, because it'll give them unfair advantages over the other twenty-eight people. So keep them distracted for a while, won't you?"

"Pay us," Ryoma replied sarcastically.

"Haha, that's so not funny. You're a millionaire, aren't you? Now go." She swatted him in the direction of the living room, then turned. "Aunt! Can you do my hair now?"

Momo and Ryoma trailed reluctantly into the living room. Half-heartedly, Ryoma asked, "Anyone play tennis?"

Four people said simultaneously, "I do," then cast suspicious glances around.

The two boys blinked. Ryoma studied the current occupants of the couches. There was that girl – no, no, it was a _boy_ – from WacDonalds. On the armchair next to him sat a boy with a very short haircut and a scar in the shape of a cross on his forehead. Next was a redhead with bangs that covered one eye, listening to music. On the other side sat a blonde, who was…fast asleep.

Ryoma frowned. Question: if the blonde was asleep, how had he managed to say the words 'I do'?

He shook his head in exasperation. Now was not the time to be asking questions. "All right. I'm supposed to keep you entertained, so let's play."

"Are you any good?" the guy with the cross-scar asked.

"Depends on how good the other person is," he replied cryptically. "Let's go already. I haven't had a challenge in years." That wasn't really true; he still played with his father every once in a while, but not as much as he used to.

Momoshiro poked him. "Oi, shouldn't you ask for their names and stuff first?"

"Good point. Names?" Ryoma yelled at them, startling three and not waking up the fourth.

"Fuji Syuusuke," the person they'd met already replied.

"Fuji Yuuta," said the boy next to him.

The redhead hummed a few bars of what sounded like DDR music before glancing up. "Oh. Kamio Akira."

"Zzz…"

Ryoma prodded the sleeper cautiously.

The blonde opened tired eyes. "Akutagawa Jirou…zzzz…" Three seconds later, he was asleep again, and no amount of poking could wake him up.

* * *

"I'll play first," Yuuta announced. They'd established, over the past hour or so, that yes, Yuuta was Fuji Syuusuke's younger brother, but no one was allowed to call him that. 

Ryoma shrugged. "Whatever."

"Yuuta! Don't lose!" Fuji called from the sidelines. Ryoma wasn't sure whether the older of the two was trying to provoke or encourage.

They'd barely started playing – Yuuta was good, but still 'mada mada' in Ryoma's opinion – before another car slid up to the curb.

Correction: it wasn't a car, it was a limo.

The doors opened. Five people stepped out.

Including what was possibly the largest person Ryoma had ever seen.

He noted vaguely that there was also a redhead (and once again, he couldn't really tell the gender, but he assumed male), a boy with strange silver hair, one wearing a backwards baseball cap with a bandage placed in a random spot, and another boy with decidedly long hair and glasses.

Honestly. His cousin was interested in such weirdos.

"Hey." The glasses guy walked over. "Did Jirou show up yet?"

Wordlessly, Momo pointed at the blonde, who was sprawled across the tennis court.

"Ah." He nodded, then turned. "I'll announce us, then." He smiled in the direction of the doorway where Nanako was standing. "Oshitari Yuushi."

"Gakuto Mukahi," the redhead announced.

"Ootori Choutarou," the silver-haired boy muttered shyly.

"Shishido Ryou," the cap-wearing boy snarled. The word _antisocial_ flitted across Ryoma's mind.

Oshitari gestured in the direction of the giant. "That's Kabaji Munehiro. He's not participating. He's just the bodyguard of…" All five people turned to the limo.

Out stepped another boy, wearing a leopard-skin shirt that would have looked utterly ridiculous on anyone else but made him look alluring and mysterious. He had a confident smirk on his face – one which was even more arrogant that Ryoma's usual expression – and excluded an air which said, 'I am a rich bastard and you're a peon, so get out of my way'.

Running a hand through his dark hair, the boy's silver-grey eyes narrowed slightly.

"Atobe Keigo."

* * *

Atobe really _was_ a rich bastard. 

Despite the fact that he'd already proven his status by arriving in a limo, the boy proceeded to further prove his place in the social hierarchy by 'accidentally' dropping a necklace of gold with a diamond pendant on it. When Nanako picked it up and tried to return it, he immediately declined, saying some shit about how such a lovely lady would look so much better with it.

Charming? Not in the least.

Ryoma didn't think so, anyways. Nanako, however, giggled for about ten minutes until Rinko had to practically force-feed her a sedative to get her to shut up. Even after she was forcibly dragged back to the house, Atobe continued flipping his hair around. As if any of the males there were interested in him.

The diva stopped abruptly and glanced around. "This place is rather small…are we staying here, or should we go rent a hotel?"

Ryoma growled. Firstly, the house was huge in normal standards. Secondly, Atobe was just plain annoying. Thirdly, even if Atobe was rich enough to rent a hotel instead of just a hotel room, it wasn't polite to announce that to the world.

Heh. Like Ryoma was the master of decorum.

"You're supposed to stay here, according to oyaji, but if you want to leave, be my guest. Hell, you can go to Madagascar for all I care." It was obvious that _he_ wasn't going to be on that particular island, since Nanako forbade it. Argh.

"I'll stay, then." Atobe took another glance at his surroundings. "…are you sure you're millionaires?"

Ryoma stared at him. "No, we made that up," he replied sarcastically.

"Ore-sama does not appreciate your sarcasm. Come, Kabaji." The boy snapped his fingers.

"Usu."

All six of the new arrivals filtered into the house, leaving Ryoma behind. He gaped at their retreating backs. Once again, a word ran through his mind: _Narcissist…_

He could have beaten Fuji Yuuta in twenty minutes. He was sure of that. Unfortunately, because he was more preoccupied with brooding over how to get Atobe kicked out of the contest within the first day, he didn't concentrate nearly enough.

So, to put it mildly, it took him practically an hour of straight playing.

"You did well, Yuuta!" the other Fuji called from the sidelines. Naturally, he was rewarded with a growl. A very angry, seething growl.

Rinko leaned out of a window. "Ryoma! Take the guests back in, we're having dinner!"

Ryoma turned to his sempai. "You're staying, right?"

"Actually, I think I'm supposed to go home-"

"You're staying." He glared. "I'm not going to be left alone with these…these…freaks."

He thought he'd said it fairly softly, but apparently he was wrong. Although three of the boys didn't seem to notice, Fuji Syusuke turned and gave him a deathly sweet smile. "Saa, Echizen, was that an insult?"

Momoshiro blinked. What else would it have been?

Ryoma reciprocated with a snarky smirk of his own. "I don't know. What do you think?"

"If we keep talking in questions, do you really think we'll get anywhere?"

"Well, are you sure that we won't?"

Fuji's smile turned just a hint deadlier. "Why do you play with your right hand?"

Ryoma raised an eyebrow. "I don't know. Because I'm right-handed?"

"That would make sense, except you're not." Fuji continued smiling. "Don't worry. I'll keep your secret from Yuuta." Somehow, his smile was suddenly very, very scary to Ryoma.

"Ryoma, get in here already!" Rinko was clearly getting impatient.

"Right. Come on, you guys." The sixteen-year-old slunk through the doors, abandoning his guests in the living room. He slid into the kitchen. "Oi, Nanako-san. Momo-sempai's staying for dinner."

Nanako glanced over. She was busy cooking, apparently; pots and pans were strewn around the counters. "That's fine, but limit your friend to eating no more than ten pounds of food."

"Momo-sempai wouldn't…" Ryoma paused and considered her request. "I'll tell him."

"Oh. And call Atobe-san down. And all his friends. I don't know their names."

He stared at her. "Didn't you invite them?"

"Actually, no. Atobe-san told me that he was absolutely certain that no girl could resist his charms, so he came without warning."

Atobe's ego level went a notch higher in Ryoma's mind. "And…you don't care?"

"No, of course not! He's right, he really is amazing! Such charisma…I can't picture anyone else who would barge into a house and demand a room with such masculine strength!"

Ryoma was vaguely reminded of a certain group of fangirls who stalked him at school. He shuddered.

The stairs creaked as he walked upwards. He was worried that he wouldn't be able to tell which of the thirty-two guest rooms they were in, but on second thought, he hadn't needed to worry. A bright sign, presumably made of 24-karat gold, read 'Atobe Keigo – Ore-sama no bigi ni yoi na' in glaring letters.

He knocked on the door. A few seconds later, a lazy voice drawled, "Kabaji, door."

"Usu."

The giant pulled open the door and peered down at Ryoma. "Echizen," he said, very slowly.

Atobe got up from where he'd been sprawled on the bed. He was wearing a ruffled, semi-lavender shirt. Ryoma turned pale and tried not to heave on the floor. It was seriously disgusting. Even _Nanako_ would have had trouble not looking like a complete fashion disaster in that…thing.

The rest of the 'limo group', as Ryoma had dubbed them (short for the we're-rich-bastards-so-we-arrive-in-limos-to-show-off-our-financial-status-because-we-have-egos-the-size-of-the-universe-group) was there as well, lounging in the various armchairs. Gakuto was perched in the windowsill.

"Nanako-san says to get downstairs for dinner," he muttered, turning to leave. As an afterthought, he added, "Atobe-san…that shirt doesn't match your complexion."

Atobe lunged at him. "_Everything_ matches my perfect complexion, you peasant!"

"It's not smart to insult me. I might accidentally tell Nanako-san you're gay or something."

To his surprise, Atobe paled before flushing. "You little brat. Get out!"

The door slammed. Ryoma stared at it in faint horror.

Atobe _wasn't_ gay…

…was he?

* * *

Hello, it's Song here. (Yes, that's my real name. I'm Asian...) Anyways, so far we have nine competitors: Atobe (Squeal), Gakuto, Oshitari, Ootori, Shishido, Fuji, Yuuta, Kamio, and Jirou. Depending on what you want, I'd appreciate if you wrote who you'd like to see for the other twenty-three people. 

Just as a hint, I am definitely adding Shinji, Sengoku, all the Seigaku regulars that haven't shown up yet, and Saeki. I might add Davide, too, but I can't stand his puns. (This is coming from the worst humor writer of all time...)

Thanks to the people who reviewed! Questions were answered in the beginning of the chapter. I think. Anyways, the next chapter: The Dinner, in which Fuji shows his sadistic side, Atobe's perfect hair is temporarily mussed, and tempers break free.

Warning: The updating might not be so quick after this. It depends on whether I'm in a writing mood or not. I get writer's block quite sporadically. This fic is mainly for relaxation while I try getting my novel back on track...(Hint: Updates will be faster if lots of people review! Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.)


	3. The Dinner

Disclaimer: I do _wish_ the Tenipuri bishies were mine…but…no.

To Shiomi and RubyMoon: Actually, I was born in Massachusetts…but my grandparents are from Taiwan.

Anyways, everyone's reviews have prompted me to write the next chapter! (Be afraid…be very afraid…)

As far as I can tell, lots of people want to see Tezuka. So he makes an appearance here. Also, er…I've had a few requests for Shinji, who will show up later. And to Yamata Dragon – yep, Dan's cute, but just a bit young. He can be…hm…Sengoku's little cousin! (No, really. I'll find a way to stick him in somehow.)

However, as for Kirihara (Rain's request) and Marui (Hikari's request) I would really, really like to do it. If I knew who they were. Are they from Rikkaidai? I haven't gotten to that part of the series yet…(sobs) I really want to see that person with the red eyes! (I think that _was_ Kirihara…right?) But my computer's being annoying. So it'll take me approximately 2519 hours to get the next episode. Hmph.

Anyways, if you want a character in here past episode 100, it'd be nice if you included a bit of the character's profile. I know Kirihara is scary and Marui likes sweets. Other than that…I'm at a loss.

And now, without any further ado…

(Further ado: I'mnot surewhat to do right now. Some of you want AtoRyo as the final pairing, some want FujiRyo, AtoJi's been mentioned, YuuRyo (Yuu stands for Oshitari Yuushi and not Yagyuu, right?), etc, etc. Ahhhhh! Um…it'd be nice if each of you put your three favorite pairings for a poll or something…of course, my evil muses could decide on a totally crack pairing. Hm.)

(Even further ado: Who should be with Nanako? I had an idea at first, but now it seems it's not going to work out. So…yeah.)

(Even further than the previous further ado: Just kidding. Oi, skip to the chapter already.)

Bachelorette Gone Wrong

Chapter Three – The Dinner

Oshitari was eying him _way too much._

Despite the fact that everyone was supposed to be aiming for Nanako, Ryoma was convinced that they were all very gay. (From a non-prejudiced opinion, of course.) Maybe it was the way they wouldn't take their eyes off him. Maybe it was the way they constantly glanced at him, then back at their chairs, then at him, then back, until he was getting dizzy.

And then, with a startling burst of intuition, Ryoma realized why they kept glancing back and forth. Apparently they were scared of him now, due to a certain…accident he'd made just before everyone had sat down.

He really hadn't meant the spill that scalding hot soup all over Atobe's lovely silk (lavender) shirt. It was all an innocent mistake, really.

And after that, he hadn't meant to have left his bottle of superglue lying uncapped on Atobe's chair. The diva had just changed, and it was satisfying to see his horrified expression as his second shirt (and pair of pants) was ruined, but that didn't mean Ryoma had left the glue there on purpose.

And even after that, he hadn't meant to…wait. Atobe hadn't found out about the 'third' accident yet, the one concerning his precious sixty-something bottles of conditioner.

All sixty-something of them.

Ryoma tried to look innocent. Karupin usually managed to pull off the 'I'm-a-cute-innocent-kitten' look quite well, but that was because he _was _a cute innocent kitten. It didn't work quite so well with the sixteen-year-old boy.

He frowned as something poked him. He was seated with Momoshiro to the left (thank Kami-sama), but Fuji Syusuke was sitting to his right, and Oshitari sat directly across from him. He would have preferred sitting next to Nanako – ditzy as she was acting – but no, she was seated next to Atobe and Kamio.

Which, once again, left him next to Fuji.

The poking was quite continuous. He turned, giving his companion a cold stare. "What?"

"Could you pass the wasabi? And…the crushed pepper? And the chili sauce?"

Ryoma stared at him. The chatter going on around the table was enough so that they could talk without being heard, so no one was paying much attention to them. "Fuji-san…we're eating salad right now…"

"I enjoy spicy foods." Fuji tilted his head and continued smiling.

The boy shook his head in disbelief and shoved the required condiments towards the elder, once again 'accidentally' tipping some chili sauce under one of Atobe's lettuce leaves as he did so.

He noticed that Fuji's had seen the action. "Thank you, Echizen," the effeminate boy said quite sweetly. As an afterthought, he added, "I'm sure Atobe appreciates your actions."

"I'm sure he does," Ryoma replied coolly. He would not lose his temper. He would _not_ lose his temper. He would **_not_ **lose his temper.

His anger was forgotten as he watched, fascinated, at Fuji's salad. Liberal amounts of the spicy substances were being poured upon the poor, defenseless tomatoes, carrots, and lettuce. The onions withered under the chili sauce's evil touch. By the time Fuji was done, the plate no longer held salad with a dressing of the various hot sauces; it was now hot sauce with a dressing of salad.

Shifting just a bit closer to Momo (all right, he was practically sitting in his sempai's lap, but the sight was just _scary_), Ryoma realized that red chili sauce should never be mixed with green wasabi.

Yuck.

The doorbell rang. Ryoma leapt to his feet. "I'll get it!" he all but screamed, dashing away from the table. The mere scent of Fuji's little…concoction was making him feel nauseous. His eyes still watered.

He peered through the curtains at the person standing outside. All he could make out was a dim outline. Probably another participant.

Of course, what if he was wrong and the person standing there was a mass murderer waiting to kill them all? Not that Ryoma would weep over Atobe's loss; he would just weep that he'd be the first dead so that he wouldn't see Atobe die.

He was reading too many murder novels.

He pulled open the door. And blinked. And blinked again. "You are…?"

"Tezuka Kunimitsu."

That didn't tell him much. "You are here because…?"

"Contest."

The person obviously thought there was a word limit. He frowned. "I think Nanako-san put up an age limit. You can't be older than twenty-five."

"I'm eighteen."

Ryoma scoffed. "Yeah, right. There is no way you're under thirty …" His voice broke off as a student I.D. was calmly presented. "…you _are_ eighteen." The guy looked more like a mature stockbroker than a high-school or even college student.

"Echizen? Nanako-san says to hurry u-" Fuji's mouth hung open, and he took a step forward. "Kuni…Tezuka?"

Tezuka's eyes widened fractionally behind the glasses.

"Do you two know each other, by any chance?" Ryoma asked curiously.

Fuji shook his head. "No, of course not. Ne, Echizen, your cousin says to get back to the table."

"Right. I'll tell her another one is here." He followed Fuji back to the table. "Nanako-san…some thirty-year-old guy with a fake student I.D. is here. Says his name's Tezuka Kunimitsu."

Nanako blinked and extracted herself from the table. "Tezuka? Hm…I don't remember…"

"Oh, it's fine. I challenged him," Atobe called, waving a hand absently.

"Excuse me?" she asked.

He turned his charm to full force. "We were wondering which of us would be granted the opportunity to be chosen by such a goddess as yourself. Please don't misunderstand. We, as mere mortals, must compete for a deity's acknowledgement."

Needless to say, Nanako melted.

Ryoma tried not to gag. He really did. Unfortunately, he, too, was only mortal, and couldn't restrain his immature side. The noises emitting from his throat were really quite interesting.

Within a few minutes, Tezuka was led inside the dining room, where he cast a small wave in Atobe's direction and a nod to the rest of the 'limo group'. His eyes jumped right over Fuji's face.

"Do sit down," Nanako urged, gesturing to an empty chair on Fuji's other side.

Tension hung in the air, thick enough to be cut with a knife. Which, Ryoma noted as he sawed away, was more than could be said for the steak. (He'd lost his appetite for his salad after seeing what Fuji did to his.)

Tezuka turned to Nanako. "I…just ate on my way here. Is it all right if I take a shower and go to my room?"

"Oh. That's, um, perfectly fine."

"Thank you." The newest addition to the contest dipped his head slightly, then turned away.

The former chatter had sprung up. Fuji had just finished his salad, but was poking listlessly at his own steak. Not that that was surprising; the meat was basically inedible, as far as Ryoma could tell.

Atobe, who was about three quarters of the way through his own vegetables, took another bite and choked. Violently.

Ryoma smirked.

"Who the-" Atobe took a deep breath. "Who put chili sauce in my salad?!"

Nanako blinked. "Ryoma-san!"

"Yeah?" he replied smugly. The stupid conceited brat deserved it.

"Ryoma, I'm going to- " The violent indication she made with her hands spoke more than any words.

Fuji glanced up. "Nanako-san, Atobe-san. I'm sorry. I must have spilled it while I was using it."

The two of them stared at him. "…oh."

"I'm not feeling well. I think I'll also excuse myself for the night. He stood up, gracefully pushing in his chair, and walked quietly out of the room.

"Bet it was the wasabi," Momoshiro hissed laughingly.

To his surprise, his kouhai also stood, cleared his plates, and walked up the stairs.

* * *

Ryoma heard the voices in one of the guestrooms. He leaned against the doorway. 

"…and stop following me around everywhere."

"I'm not following you around. It was just a coincidence."

"Right." He heard Fuji's bitter laughter. "Meeting you at Chartres was just a coincidence. Seeing you in New York was just a coincidence. You've gone too far, Tezuka. I _will_ win, and I _will_ marry her, and then you can leave me alone."

There was a short silence. Then, softly, "What is the point of winning if you don't win anything you want?"

"How do you know what I want?" was the quiet reply. "Goodbye, Kunimitsu. I don't care about you anymore."

Footsteps sounded , nearing the door. It opened, and Ryoma fell halfway into the room. Fuji raised an eyebrow; he was smiling, but looked a bit doubtful. "Echizen- what are you doing?"

Ryoma blinked up at him.

Fuji closed the door, leaving Tezuka alone in the room. "Well…if you don't mind, I'll just go and take a shower or something. Can you direct me to the bathroom?"

"Aren't you lying?"

The older boy stared at him. "What?"

"If you didn't care about that guy anymore, why would you be annoyed that he was following you around?"

Fuji stared at him, then laughed. "You've got remarkable intuition for a sixteen-year-old."

Ryoma raised an eyebrow. "Not really. I just don't want Nanako-san to be stuck with someone who's only doing it to get back at someone else."

There was silence for a minute before Ryoma muttered, "The nearest bathroom is at the end of the hall."

"Thank you." Fuji entered his own room, which was six down from Tezuka's (the rooms in between were filled with Atobe & Co), and soon returned carrying the necessary attire. He paused. "If your cousin's too superficial not to see past the surface, then she'll be happy enough with whoever she chooses. If it makes you happy, though, I'll quit this competition." He turned, and his eyes were a mesmerizing sapphire. "I won't hurt anyone just because of something Tezuka did three years ago."

Ryoma smiled, the first real smile since the beginning of this whole nightmare. "Thanks. But it's ok. Better you than, say, Atobe."

"I suppose." He pulled open the bathroom door.

"Ah – Fuji-san?"

"Hmm?"

The boy smirked. "I'd advise you not to touch Atobe's conditioner, unless you want to be laughed out of the house by everyone here."

* * *

As it turned out, although Ryoma hadn't planned it that way, it seemed like every member of Atobe's entourage used the conditioner that their leader had brought. 

Ryoma and Fuji were chatting about various things on the couch. Each time they heard one of the diva's posse step out of the shower, they smirked. None of Atobe's gang would notice until later just what had happened to their hair, of course, since they kept their heads swathed in towels.

In a way, Ryoma felt bad for Ohtori, who seemed to be a fairly nice person. He also felt bad for Jirou, who didn't do anything but sleep.

…but if they wanted to keep Atobe as their leader, they would have to suffer the consequences.

Atobe stood from where he'd been talking to Rinko, who was clearly charmed. "If you'll excuse me, I need to go shower…Ore-sama should always be perfect."

Ryoma laughed. Softly, but audibly.

The diva glanced haughtily over. "Is there a problem?"

"No, Atobe-san. I'm sure you'll look simply amazing when you're done."

He was rewarded with a very suspicious glance and a toss of the boy's perfect (as of now) hair.

"Something smells weird," Jirou remarked. He was sprawled on the coffee table in the middle of the living room where everyone was chatting.

Fuji frowned. "Uh-oh," he whispered.

A few seconds later, however, the blonde (who actually wasn't blonde anymore…) was fast asleep.

One danger avoided.

Oshitari frowned, reached around for something. His hand brushed Ryoma's arm lightly before moving away. "Damn," he drawled, "must have left my glasses in the bathroom again."

Ryoma stared at him. Why the hell would Oshitari's glasses have been on his arm, anyways?

"Ah…Echizen," Fuji remarked.

He glanced over. "Hn?"

"I was watching your game with Yuuta. Would you like to play later today?"

Ryoma stared at him. "It's already dark out."

"Isn't that the best time to play?" Fuji asked dreamily. "Under the moonlight, with the stars out…knowing that Atobe's hair will look amazing in the morning…"

"Yadda. You may not need it, but _I _happen to like something called sleep."

The blue eyes opened slightly. "Oh, does the poor little child get tired easily?"

"What?"

"Or are you scared of challenging me?" Fuji leaned back on the couch with the sweetest, most devilish smile possible. "A sixteen-year-old midget coward…not good…"

Ryoma growled. Literally. "Who are you calling a midget?"

"I fancy that I have an inch or two past you."

He was very self-conscious about his height. Obviously, Fuji had already figured that out. "Fine, let's play. And I'll laugh when you get beaten by this…midget."

"Ok." Fuji smiled again, as if nothing had happened, and closed his eyes. His head was turned in the direction of Yuuta, who was speaking to the semi-comatose Jirou. Jirou was yawning a lot.

A knock was heard at the front door. Ryoma walked over and pulled it open, blinking up at the black-haired boy. "Er…hello…"

"Name's Mizuki Hajime," the boy announced. "I'm here for the contest."

"Oh. Well, come in." Ryoma shrugged. "Go do whatever you want. The actual contest hasn't started yet." He stopped, looking up. "Fuji-san? What's wrong?"

"What? Fuji?" Mizuki's eyes met Fuji's. "Oh…haven't seen you in a long time, Syusuk – "

Fuji's fist flew in the direction of the newcomer's jaw.

The boy jerked aside in time. "Really, now. There's no need to be violent."

Ryoma grabbed Fuji's wrist to restrain him and was astonished to find him trembling. "Fuji-san…"

Mizuki smirked again, looking incredibly amused. "What? Are you still angry that I took over your position…"

Yuuta took a step forward, but it was too late. The raven-haired boy continued.

"Your position…as Tezuka Kunimitsu's bitch?"

* * *

Enter the plotline (Finally). Or some sort of semi-plot, anyways. No, wait, there already is a plot…I guess this is the conflict? 

Anyways, the whole Tezuka – Fuji – Mizuki – Yuuta thing will be explained in the next chapter. You'll also get to find out what happened to Atobe-sama's beautiful hair. Which perhaps…doesn't look so good anymore.

A tiny hint of what could potentially evolve into FujiRyo in this chapter. Yay.

Don't forget to review with your three favorite pairings!

Oh. And can someone explain Kirihara and Marui's personalities? Along with that of any others you want to put in the fic past ep 100? Thanks.

Short summary for the next chapter: Fuji abandons Ryoma's game in favor for beating up Mizuki, Atobe is thoroughly horrified, and the TFMY square is explained. Sort of. Don't worry, Fuji and Ryo will have a nice nighttime…er… 'tennis match' sooner or later. Although it's not certain just how much actual tennis they'll be playing…hehe.

And because I need new material in the next chapter, let's have Saeki and Shinji show up. And Sengoku. And ten other people. Otherwise we'll never get to the contest…

Here's what's probably going to be the final thirty-two people:

Atobe (squeal. Yes, I will squeal about Atobe in every chapter, even if his perfect hair disappears.), Oshitari, Gakuto, Jirou, Ohtori (yep, changed the spelling. This looks more elegant.), Shishido, Hiyoshi, Oishi, Kikumaru, Tezuka, Fuji, Kaidoh, Inui, Mizuki, Kisazaru, Akazawa, Da-ne boy (just for the comic relief; his name's Yanagisawa), Yuuta, Sengoku, Akutsu, Yukimura, Sanada, Kirihara, Marui, Davide, Saeki, Shinji, Kamio, Kajimoto, Hiroshi, Yohei, and Kohei.

Anyways, for the above list: They're not fixed. Tell me to switch some and I probably will. The only thing is that everyone already in the fic will stay (of course). As for the others, the only one I am adamant about is Saeki. SAEKI WILL STAY! FOREVER! (er…not that that's a hint about the rest of the story…no, really, it's not…)

And for any Mizuki-fans, you can't really blame Fuji. I'd probably shoot the guy if _I_ was Tezuka's bitch and he stole the position from me.

Chapters seem to be getting longer. No, wait, my author's notes are just getting longer. I can't help wanting to socialize! Heh.


	4. Misconceptions

Disclaimer: Let's see. Atobe's not mine, Fuji's not mine, Tezuka isn't mine, Saeki's not mine, Ryoma's not mine, Oshitari's not mine…etc…

Hello, everyone! Over fifty reviews! I love you all!

Urk. Tried writing a oneshot. A well-placed comment from a reviewer explained all the plotholes. So it's been deleted…I think I'll stick to this.

In this fic: both Fujis play violin, because I myself do, and I can never write anything without having that instrument in there somewhere.

I think Atobe plays piano in the manga, right? (Or maybe I've been reading too many fanfics and my facts are all confused…)

Oh, right. Tezuka sings. Not in this chapter. But he will.

And most people seem to want FujiRyo. So…here goes. (Hm, I was planning on AtoFuji – excuse the crack pairings – because those two are my favorite characters, but oh well. Nothing wrong with FujiRyo. And as for the TezuMizuki thing…yeah. Went to a random pairing generator…see where it got me?)

Bachelorette Gone Wrong

Chapter Four – Misconceptions

There was silence for a minute.

Well, technically, it wasn't silent, since Ryoma and Fuji were the only ones who'd actually noticed Mizuki as of yet. So the silence was just between those three people. In other words, it was quite loud.

"What are you talking about?" Ryoma asked, glancing from one to the other. "It'd be nice if you fixed your fucking language, by the way. Sixteen-year-olds shouldn't be taught all these shitty expletives."

"If you've got something to say, Mizuki, say it and then get out of my sight."

Mizuki smirked. "Why all the hostility? Perhaps I've come to make amends for what happened three years ago."

Ryoma frowned. Three years ago…hadn't Fuji mentioned that? Right, something about how Tezuka had done something wrong.

Speaking of which…"Tezuka-san."

Fuji didn't move, although Tezuka was suddenly standing at his shoulder. Mizuki, meanwhile, widened his smile. "Kunimitsu."

"Don't call me that."

"Why? Surely all those nights together entitle me to some rights." They all spoke in rather hushed voices, trying to hide the conversation from the rest of the room.

Tezuka's expression remained icy. He was looking in Fuji's direction; the shorter boy was staring at the ground, his light chestnut hair shielding his eyes. "Fuji."

"Shut _up_, Tezuka."

A brief flicker of surprise flashed over the dark chocolate eyes. "What?"

"I said, shut the hell up. Your voice disgusts me." Fuji turned away from both Mizuki and Tezuka. "Echizen, I'm going to my room. Come with me."

"Found a replacement already, Fuji?" Mizuki sneered.

This time, the raven-haired boy didn't dodge quickly enough and fell to the floor. Suddenly, the four of them had the interest of everyone else in the room.

Ryoma glanced at all the curious gazes. "Um, Mizuki-san, make yourself feel right at home. Yeah. Let's go, Fuji-san." The two of them walked towards the stairs.

* * *

The guest room Fuji was occupying was generally fairly neat. Ryoma perched on the edge of the bed and watched anxiously as Fuji paced around. "Fuji-san…care to explain what's going on?"

"No." Fuji stopped walking circles around the room and collapsed on the bed next to Ryoma. He paused, his fingers clenched in the sheets. "Yes. I don't know." He turned towards the younger boy. "I don't think you should be caught up in this."

His dark blue eyes were filled with pain.

Ryoma shrugged. "You look like you want to talk. And I'm supposed to help, aren't I? I mean, I'm sort of the host, anyways."

Fuji sighed wistfully. "I suppose." He closed his eyes, and opened his mind to the memory he'd been hiding for the past three years.

_Sakura blossoms littered the air and the streets. The skies were an amazing shade of blue; the sun shone brightly. Spring was in the air. _

_It was way too close to a clichéd romance scene for Fuji to resist. He grinned at the fifteen-year-old Tezuka and pulled the taller boy down for a quick kiss. _

"_You're so impulsive," Tezuka grumbled with just the barest hint of amusement in his voice. _

"_But you love me, ne?" Fuji smiled widely. _

_Tezuka hesitated. "I suppose." _

"_Can I go over later today? Yuuta's never home, and all Yumiko's been doing lately is practicing fortune telling, so I'm bored as hell at home." _

_His boyfriend shrugged. "Sure. Speaking of which, how's Yuuta doing?" _

"_Pretty well. He still hates me for winning that violin competition." Fuji sighed. "I warned him against using Mizuki's method of vibrato (1), but he didn't listen, of course. Half-ruined his wrist. Foolish boy. He's not allowed to associate with Mizuki anymore. Mizuki's really angry about that, but oh well." _

_A car pulled up next to them. "Syusuke, want a ride?" _

"_Sure. Thanks, Yumiko." Fuji smiled. "I'll go over when I'm done with my homework, all right? See you." _

_Being also naturally adept at school, he managed to finish the homework on the car ride home. "Yumiko-neesan…" _

"_Yes?" _

"_Can you drive me to Tezuka's instead?" _

_The woman groaned. "Honestly." She saw the pleading and oh-so-innocent expression on her brother's face. "Fine, fine." _

_He hopped out of the car at the arrival, kissing his sister on the cheek. "I'll get back by bus or something, ok?" _

"_Sure. See you." _

_The house was strangely silent, and the windows were dark. Surely Tezuka was home already. He paused by the front door, which had been left unlocked. _

_There was another pair of shoes next to Tezuka's white tennis sneakers. _

_Fuji tilted his head and considered them. They were mainly white, with two small purple stripes on either side. Fairly plain. He was pretty sure Tezuka's grandparents didn't wear shoes like that. _

"_Mitsu?" he asked into the darkness. _

_From upstairs, he heard a faint moan. _

_His heart leapt to his throat. Even at the age of fifteen, he was surprisingly innocent. He never dreamed that the moan would be from pleasure instead of pain. _

_His swift leap took him towards his boyfriend's room. His hand fumbled for the door; perhaps from carelessness or fate, it, too, was unbolted. The door flew open, and Fuji called out 'Kunimi-" before swallowing the rest of the name. _

_Mizuki gazed up from where he was thoroughly ravaging Tezuka and shot Fuji a very wicked smile. "How does it feel to be betrayed, Fuji-kun?" _

_Fuji stood staring, his eyes locked on Tezuka's slightly guilty ones, before turning and swiftly walking out of the house. He had lost everything else, but he would protect his dignity. He wouldn't cry. Not in front of them. _

_Around him, the sakura blossoms drifted slowly to the ground. _

Ryoma stared at Fuji. "Fuji-san, are you…ok?"

Fuji opened his eyes and was surprised to find he was crying. "I shouldn't have told you."

The younger boy looked absently at the contours of the ceiling. "It's fine. I mean, I never thought about…you know, that kind of relationship before, but it's not like I'm all prejudiced against that. I'm not ultra-religious or anything."

"Thank you, Ryoma."

The boy's first name sounded right rolling off Fuji's lips, so neither of them noticed until later that it was the first time Fuji had called him anything other than 'Echizen.'

"And you've been against Tezuka ever since?"

"Yes."

Ryoma shifted closer, curious. "You've never asked him why?"

Fuji squirmed uncomfortably. He laughed. "I've been trying not to talk to him since then. I guess I was too busy running away to ever ask."

"So in reality, it could all have been a misunderstanding."

His companion shrugged. "There isn't much doubt as to what they were doing." Before Ryoma could reply, he added, "It doesn't matter anyways. The main reason I keep running, anyways, is because I'm not in love with him anymore."

"What?"

Fuji sighed. "I guess an infatuation at fifteen can't really be labeled as 'love', anyways."

"Oh." Ryoma nodded in agreement. "Well, actually, I wouldn't know. I've never been in love before." He mumbled it a bit shyly, glancing at his socks, which were suddenly very interesting.

"Would you like to be?" the older boy asked.

"Eh?" He turned to face him.

Fuji leaned just a bit closer.

Ryoma was lost in the hypnotic glow of the sapphire orbs…

And by the time he noticed how close the other boy was, it was too late.

Fuji's lips were smooth, and surprisingly gentle. Ryoma let out a soft whimper, falling backwards, his hands reaching up to push away the other boy. Instead, he ended up fisting his hands in Fuji's shirt, shivering as he felt the boy's tongue carefully parting his lips and moving inside.

Then it stopped, and he gazed heavy-eyed at Fuji. Fuji was looking slightly panicked. "Sorry," he managed to choke out. "I…didn't mean to…"

Ryoma stared at him.

"I…" Fuji leapt from the bed and fled from the room.

* * *

Ryoma was asleep when Fuji finally returned to the room, after a long walk around the perimeter of the mansion several times. The tensai sat miserably down in the armchair and peered out the window. Darkness had spread across the sky; whereas there'd been a hint of light when he'd set out, it was now pitch-black.

The sleeping boy stirred, moaning, and Fuji wondered vaguely just what kind of dreams a sixteen-year-old would have. He himself had dreamed often of Tezuka, and sometimes of stabbing Mizuki…but he hardly personified the norm, after all.

Leaning back, he closed his sapphire eyes. Ryoma was right, of course. He still wasn't over Tezuka yet.

It was just in that heat of the moment, when Ryoma had gazed shyly down at the floor – he'd been reminded of how Kunimitsu had acted the day Fuji'd confessed. Lost in the memory, he'd pretended – fantasized, really – that the boy before him was Tezuka.

"Sorry," he whispered softly, and reached out slowly to push away the raven locks from the boy's closed eyes.

His cell rang. Flipping it open, he quickly pressed the 'talk' button so Ryoma wouldn't be disturbed. "Hello, Fuji Syusuke here."

"Fuji."

"Saeki!"

The white-haired boy on the other end sounded rather grim. "I got your message. The girl's already approved it. I'll be over tomorrow morning with a few friends."

Fuji nodded before realizing Saeki couldn't see the action. "Ok…thanks."

There was a faintly audible click.

So Saeki was coming. Everything would be all right, then.

They'd been even before. Mizuki had hurt Yuuta, so in retaliation, Fuji had banned his younger brother from seeing Mizuki. However, then the bastard had gone and stolen Tezuka…

The tensai's eyes flashed open. _Yes, indeed. I will have my revenge._

* * *

He'd fallen asleep where he lay, apparently. When he awoke, it took him a moment to recognize the different room, another moment to notice Fuji curled up in a chair by the bed, and one last moment to scream his head off at both these realizations.

Fuji woke up. Which was probably the expected result.

He blinked blearily at Ryoma for a while. "You…fell asleep in the bed," he remarked, tactfully not saying 'my bed'.

Clearly, Fuji was the master of intuition. "Yeah, well, after that little stunt you pulled yesterday, I didn't much feel like getting up."

"Are you upset about it?"

Ryoma looked at the window. "Not too much. Maybe a little. All right, yes, I'm angry."

"Saa, make up your mind, Echizen."

"…" He was suddenly struck with a very interesting thought. "…you think this is funny, don't you?"

"I can't help it if you sound like a three-year-old whose candy just got stolen." Fuji smiled. "Besides, it's not that big a deal. It's not like we did anything."

Not knowing what else to say, Ryoma settled for, "You still owe me a tennis game."

"Right." Fuji nodded. "Tonight, ok? Anyways, Atobe should be waking up soon. His group, too."

"Yeah." The sixteen-year-old suddenly remembered what Atobe would look like. He smirked.

Two doors down, a voice shrieked, "KYAAAAA! MY HAIR!!!!!"

Ryoma tottered over to the door and pulled it open, sticking his head outside. Surprisingly enough, it wasn't Atobe who'd screamed.

_Poor Gakuto,_ he thought to himself. _Red clashed with that new style, totally. _

"Gakuto? What's wrong?" the smooth voice of Oshitari Yuushi drawled before he stopped, horrified. "What the fuck happened to your hair?"

"It's _green_!" the (former) redhead wailed. "My hair's turned _green_!" He paused, studying his friend. "Hey…yours is blue."

"What?" Oshitari raced back into his room and took a good look in the mirror. He sauntered out, smirking. "I like it. I'm _extremely _grateful to whoever did this…and I'd like to make it up to them somehow." His eyes slid in Ryoma's direction. Ryoma shuddered.

He blinked before realizing that the boy's hair had generally retained its normal color, with two dark blue streaks on either side. _Lucky bastard. Ugh, waste of that blue dye in Atobe's conditioner. I see Gakuto chose the one with the green._

"Atobe! Atobe! Wake up!" Gakuto banged violently on the door.

There was a silence before Atobe yanked the door open, dressed in a silk bathrobe. "What the hell. Ore-sama needs beauty sleep, you know. Not that I'm not always beautiful…" He blinked. "Gakuto…did you try out a new hairstyle or something? It doesn't work for you. Now, see, Oshitari's looks decent."

Gakuto growled. And stared. "Ano…Atobe?"

"Yeah?"

"Your hair…"

"Yeah?"

"It's…normal."

Atobe frowned. "You peon! How dare you say my hair is normal? It's exquisite, unique, beautiful, perfect…anything but normal!"

"Atobe, Atobe, look, look, look!" Jirou had apparently woken up due to the commotion (which gave a pretty good idea of just how loud the commotion was) and had slipped into fangirling mode.

His hair was dark silver.

Atobe gaped while Jirou continued squealing. "See, I don't know how this happened, but after taking a shower yesterday, I noticed something smelled strange, right? So I went and checked your conditioner, and it turns out someone filled it with dye. So I was like, ok, there's dye in there…and I figured out that I used the third from the left, so my hair should have been lavender! But I figured 'well, I know the secret now,' so I used another bottle, and now I look like you! This is so cooool!"

"Jirou, you…"

"Yeah? Isn't this amazing!" Jirou bounced a few times before gazing curiously at Atobe. "Hey…there's something written on the back of your head…"

"What?" The diva spun, grabbing a handheld mirror while giving everyone a clear sight of the words.

_I am a rich selfish egotist. Fear me. _

Fuji glanced down at his companion, who merely shrugged. "Did it with neon green paint last night" was the only explanation before both ducked back into the room to avoid Atobe's anguished screech.

Contrary for how the day had started for some people, breakfast went surprisingly well. The people were mainly getting along, anyways. It was just when two members of the table – namely, Ryoma and Karupin – were fighting over the last piece of bacon that the doorbell rang.

"Honestly," Ryoma muttered as he wandered to the door. "Can't they all just hurry up and get here already?"

Fuji glanced up as the door was pulled open. "Saeki!"

"Hey." The white-haired boy smiled. His gaze darkened as he saw Tezuka, sitting at the extreme opposite of Fuji. "What's up?"

"Who're you?" was Ryoma's oh-so-tactful remark as he stared pointedly at the ten or so people crowding the front steps.

"Saeki Koujirou."

"Shinji Ibu. Actually, I don't know why I'm here in the first place. Someone sent my photo because they thought it would be funny, so now I had to come. How annoying. I wish everyone would just leave me alone. Don't they understand that I need peace and quiet? Especially the quiet. Honestly, I just hate it when I want people to shut up and they just keep talking and talking and talking. I also hate it when people mumble and then expect you to understa-"

"Shut up. Kirihara Akaya."

"Lucky! Sengoku Kiyosumi!"

The next person calmly blew a huge bubble. "Marui Bunta," he said around a mouthful of gum.

"Oishi Syuuichiro…"

"Nya! Kikumaru Eiji!" (Ryoma shuddered. Just what he needed: another hyperactive freak.)

"Inui Sadaharu. By the way, would you like to try some of this smoothie?" A sizzling glass of some strange-looking red liquid was held up.

"I'll pass," Ryoma muttered.

"Ssss." At the table, Nanako started before realizing it wasn't a gas leak. "Kaidoh Kaoru."

"Hiyosh – "

"Whatever. Come in." (Hiyoshi was tempted to throw a hissy fit. No matter what he did, _no one_ cared about him. Damnit.)

Fuji smiled as he hugged Saeki lightly. "I thought you said a _few _friends."

"Yeah, I only know four of these people. The rest just happened to show up." He caughed sight of Fuji's rather apprehensive expression. "Don't worry. We're all here…

"The FiveK."

* * *

(1) Vibrato is a violin technique – basically the rotation of the left hand in order to increase the tone quality.

Yep, more plot coming in (yay). The FiveK: Saeki Koujirou, Kikumaru Eiji, Kaidoh Kaoru, Kirihara Akaya, and Sengoku Kiyosumi. I refused to disclose what the point of this group is, though.

To Tenken no Miko: Yep, the Golden Pair's a given. OishiKiku forever! Not that I mind the Dream Pair, but that's only because Fuji's in it…

Star Sniper: Oh, you meant Yuuta. Sorry. Too many 'Yuu' people floating around. Er…it could be a bit awkward sticking that in, due to the whole FujiRyo thing going on…just a bit of Oshitari hitting on Ryoma in here, not much though. Kiri hurts Fuji? HOW DARE HE? Grrr.

Ki-ku-maru Beam: Tachibana annoys me. Don't know why; maybe it's the whole 'caring-too-much-for-his-teammates thing'. If anyone gets to care for Shinji, it must be me! (He can have the rest of them, though.)

Baby-mar: Threesomes? Um…maybe…I'll see.

Shiomi: Urk. Want to help me think of puns? (I can't come up with any myself. Must enlist help!)

Yoshikochan: Yay, Fuji angst for you. (My, I'm so bad at writing angst. I always manage to find humor in all situations…)

Sea-at-Night: O.O You're Taiwanese? Awesome! I think there are two Taiwanese people at my school, and that would be me and my brother. Hmm.

Kasugai Gummie: Hmm…Mizuki Atobe contest? Yes! You've just inspired me to start working on another fanfic! Thanks! (I'll finish this one first, though…)

And to all the other reviewers: Thanks so much! You're all so supportive…(sniff) I love you all! (Ok, I'm getting a bit too melodramatic now…) Seems a lot of people like crack pairings, too. Will try to update soon…


	5. The FiveK

Disclaimer: If Tenipuri was mine, I would know who Kirihara and Marui were…

Can someone tell me which episodes Kirihara is in? Thanks.

Since I forgot to put the plot summary for this chapter, here goes: In this chapter, the FiveK is explained, half the people become drunk, and Atobe attempts to seduce our poor resident chibi… (Oh, by the way: An goes to the same school as Momo and Ryoma. Don't know if I mentioned that before.)

Nivell: Uh…not sure if Mizuki's going to end up being happy in this fic…once I figure out who Kirihara is, though, I'll try sticking some Kiri/Ryo in here.

Tenken no Miko: Wow, the majority of the people in your school are Asian? Where do you live? My school is, to say the least, quite bad. The top fifteen people in the class ranks are Asian…and there are only around 100 Asians in the school (it's a school of 4000. Really crowded.)

Sea-At-Night: Simplified Chinese. Although I haven't gone to Chinese school in a while – sort of discontinued it after moving here – so I can speak and understand it, but am not that good at writing it. You play violin? Do you take private lessons?

Craze: Yup. The everyone X Ryo will come after the contest actually starts. (Not all thirty-two people are here yet, remember?)

Ki-ku-maru Beam: Ok, I agree, the character entrance at the end was quite lacking. That's what happens when a certain pesky older brother needs to use the computer to talk online with his friends. Plus he threatened to tell my parents I was writing fanfic instead of studying AP Chemistry if I didn't get off. Hmph.

RoYale: Fuji x Saeki? Depends…maybe I'll do it to get poor little Ryo jealous (in later chapters, though.)

OMG. I finally got episodes 101-105. And Kirihara's in those! Kirihara being an obnoxious brat LOVE. Eeeeee. Sanada's so COOOOL! (And because I sound like Jirou, I think I'll stop now.) Still don't know who Marui is, though.

And because this is a late update, the chapter's sort of long. Maybe.

Bachelorette Gone Wrong

Chapter Five – The FiveK

Ryoma's eyes flickered back and forth, again and again. He breathed a sigh of relief. Apparently, during all the commotion of this contest, everyone had forgotten something crucial…

"Ryoma! What are you still doing here? Get to school!" Rinko yelled at him, adjusting her suit as she dashed off to work.

…or not.

"I'm already late. There's no point," he muttered, but grabbed his backpack and tennis rackets anyways.

He was almost to the door when a voice purred, "Would you like a ride, Echizen-kun?"

The boy turned to blink at the purple-wearing creature and realized, after a short pause, that it was Mizuki. In purple. He was so horrified at the sight that he gaped for a good five minutes (thus ensuring that he wouldn't get to school on time) and then shook his head mutely. "…I'll walk."

"I'll drive you, Ryoma-kun," Fuji offered placidly, extracting himself from a very strange conversation with Saeki (they'd been shamelessly flirting and insulting each other at the same time.)

"Thanks, Fuji-san," Ryoma replied, accepting the older boy's offer and ignoring the way Mizuki was looking mildly insulted.

Saeki's eyes narrowed as he watched the expression on Mizuki's face darken. He turned slightly to the person sitting next to him. "Sengoku."

"Yes?" Sengoku had been chatting rather happily with Kamio. Rather, the orange-haired boy was happy. The rhythm freak tried to ignore him by blaring loud music, but it didn't work too well.

"I'm pretty sure it's him." Saeki jerked his head ever so slightly in Mizuki's direction.

"What about him?" the other asked, still quite cheerfully.

The white-haired boy turned, frowning, a serious expression on his face. "He's the reason why Syusuke called out the FiveK."

>>>>>

"Nice car," Ryoma remarked, admiring the shiny exterior.

"Thank you." Fuji slid into the front seat; Ryoma sat on the passenger side. "Yuuta advises you to buckle your seatbelt. I don't know why."

That didn't sound like a very good omen. He'd barely snapped the strap into place when Fuji took off at a speed of around two hundred miles per hour. That was what it felt like, anyways; Ryoma wasn't really in a position to read the speedometer.

"F…Fuji-san! You're going to killllllllllllllllllllll us!"

"Don't worry. I've driven before, and I've never died." How he managed to sound so calm at a time when there were horns blaring at them from all sides, Ryoma didn't know.

He managed to force one eye open and wished he hadn't. "Fuji-san! Truck!"

"What?" the smiling tensai asked.

His eyes were closed, Ryoma noticed with something akin to panic. _Fuji's fucking eyes are CLOSED!_ "FUJI-SAN! TRUCK! TRUCKTRUCKTRUCKTRUCKTRUCK!!!!"

Fuji calmly avoided the obstacle. "You could have said that in the first place. Relax, why don't you?"

"_FUJI-SAN! RED LIGHT! BRAKEBRAKEBRAKEBRAKEBRAKE!!!"_

"You're so uptight." The older boy shook his head in sorrow. "Sixteen years old, and you act like you're thirty."

"_That's the point! I'm only sixteen! I'm too young to die!"_

Fuji sighed impatiently. "You're not going to die, Ryoma-kun."

"_TREE!" _

"Echizen, don't be ridiculous. We cannot possibly hit the tree that you so kindly mentioned because it happens to be on the sidewalk."

"_SO ARE WE!"_

Fuji considered that fact with a small degree of surprise. "…oh. So we are. I didn't notice."

Ryoma huddled into a tiny ball. No seat belt would help him now.

The older boy, still smiling cheerfully as he spun the wheel in seemingly random patterns, listened to the muttering of his companion. As far as he could tell, Ryoma was saying something along these lines:

"…and Karupin, I'm sorry for not playing with you more often…and I'm sorry for ever calling you stupid, Oyaji…and I'm sorry for thinking you were a ditz, Nanako…and Momo, I'm sorry for stealing your burgers…and…and Fuji…I'm sorry for ever agreeing to get on your car…"

Fuji smirked. "That wasn't very nice, Ryoma-kun."

Ryoma opened his mouth to come out with a smart retort before lifting his head in surprise. "Hey. We've stopped."

"Yes, we have. We're at your school."

There was a short pause before Ryoma all but leapt on top of the older boy. Fuji thought for a minute that he was being strangled, before realizing that Ryoma was, in fact, trying to hug him. "…Echizen?"

"I love you, Fuji-san!" was the passionate declaration.

_First he says I'm endangering his life, and now he says he loves me? Is this kid bipolar?_ Fuji merely smiled; however, curiosity soon got the better of him, and he couldn't help but ask, "Why?"

"For being intelligent enough to figure out how to use the brake pedal during the five minutes it took you to drive here." Ryoma grabbed his bags and hopped out of the car. "And apparently I'm not late anymore, because it usually takes me twenty minutes to get here."

"Well, glad to help." Fuji waved. "I'll pick you up in the afternoon, ok?"

Ryoma whirled, and Fuji winced at the flames in the boy's golden eyes. "_Don't…you…dare."_

_ >>>>_

"You look a bit green, Echizen," Momo remarked during the morning tennis practice.

An peered at him, seemingly concerned. "Yeah, you do. Are you feeling all right?"

"I…Fuji-san…" Ryoma struggled for the right words, finally explaining, "Fuji-san should not be allowed within a ten-mile radius of a car."

"RYOMA-SAMA!"

"_They_," Ryoma continued, jerking his finger at the approaching hoard of fangirls, "should not be allowed within a ten-mile radius of _me._" He turned and ran, only to realize he was surrounded. "…oh, shit."

The leader of the girls was one particularly voracious cheerleader called Tomoka. She had memorized Ryoma's schedule before he himself had; she'd decorated his locker with a giant picture of him on Valentine's day; she'd sprayed perfume all over him after he'd beaten Momo to become the highest ranked member on the school tennis team.

She was also the most demented, persistent stalker possible.

"Save me," Ryoma hissed at An.

"What am I supposed to do?" the girl protested.

"RYOMA-SAMA!" came the loud noise once more. "Your picture's in the newspaper!"

He blinked and snatched the newspaper from Tomoka's hands. On the front cover was a huge article titled 'Millionaire Household Holds American-Style Contest' in bold words. Underneath, a picture of Nanako smiling at the camera was shown with the caption 'Echizen Nanako, eighteen, is the 'prize' for this contest.'

And below that…

"What the _hell?"_

Firstly, it was a picture of _him._ Ryoma had already had to deal with enough reporters due to his success in tennis tournaments. It was just a bit much to be caught in a picture in his house.

Secondly, the picture him was smiling up at a certain blue-eyed tensai. A very _pretty_ blue eyed tensai.

Thirdly, the caption underneath read, 'Not only is Echizen Nanako going to find her Prince Charming, her younger cousin Echizen Ryoma was seen with his girlfriend in front of his house.'

Fourthly…well...there wasn't much to be said, was there?

"Ryoma-sama!" shrieked one of the other girls (he vaguely remembered her name being something like Akari.) "How could you cheat on us?"

"Cheat on you?" he asked, confused. "It's not like I'm going out with any of you."

The answer to his rather tactless comment was a loud wail, which shattered the windows in the general vicinity. An winced.

"Besides," Ryoma added, even more tactlessly, "that person who's supposedly my girlfriend is...male."

There was dead silence for about five seconds. Even the usually verbose Momo was gaping at his kouhai. And then, from the back of the girls, a soft voice whispered, "Ryoma-kun…"

Oh great. That girl was usually quiet, but whenever she _did_ manage to summon up enough strength to use her vocal cords, the only thing she was able to say was just that: 'Ryoma-kun'. Hearing her talk prompted a response, naturally, from the rest of the group.

From amidst the screaming and absolute chaos, Ryoma heard comments such as "I will cure Ryoma-sama of his strange preferences!" "Ryoma-sama is so hot, even if he is gay!" and "I'm going to strangle Ryoma-sama's boyfriend!"

"We're not going out!" he bellowed.

There was another short silence. "…oh."

And then, again, another explosion. "Yay! Ryoma-sama's available!"

Kami-sama help him.

"Get to your classes!" yelled a random teacher from a random hallway, sending the girls scattering. Ryoma breathed out a sigh of relief before said teacher sidled up to him, looking mildly hopeful. "Er…Echizen-kun…"

"Yes?"

A strawberry-scented, sparkly pink gel pen was shoved at him, along with a copy of the newspaper. "Can you sign this?"

Ryoma was not exactly happy when he left school.

His mood was improved slightly by the fact that Fuji was not the one waiting to drive him home. It wasn't Mizuki, either. Rather, it was a certain white-haired boy.

Ryoma knew he _should_ remember the boy's name. Walking over to the car – it was a bit hard to miss, since the boy was waving like crazy – he suddenly remembered. Yes.

"Seki-san."

"Er…it's Saeki," the boy replied, now looking rather amused.

Ryoma flushed. "Sorry."

"Well, get in. Fuji sent me to pick you up, since he said you didn't want to ride with him again, for some reason." Saeki's eyes sparkled. "I can't see why."

Ryoma was struck with a sudden sense of horror. "You…don't drive anything like him, do you?"

"Of course not," the white-haired boy replied with a cheerful smile.

Saeki hadn't been lying, Ryoma realized as they tore down the road at a speed that had long since shattered the speedometer. Saeki was about ten times worse.

As soon as the car stopped, Ryoma ejected himself and dashed into the house, found Fuji sitting on the couch talking to Yuuta, and flung himself, practically sobbing, into the tensai's arms. "Fuji! I'm sorry I ever said anything bad about your driving!"

Fuji blinked at the other boy. He laughed. "See, you should have counted yourself lucky this morning."

"Syusuke, that's not very nice," Saeki muttered, walking through the door. "It's not like you haven't gotten speeding tickets before."

"I _haven't_," Fuji replied, triumphantly.

Saeki blinked. "Oh, right. That's because you're so effeminately pretty that you can charm any policeman into letting you do whatever you want."

"Exactly. I'm proud of it, too." The tensai smirked as he tossed his hair over his shoulder in a very feminine movement. "Come on, Koujirou," he purred. "You know you love me."

"Of course, Syusuke. No one can resist a boy that looks like a girl."

Yuuta frowned at them. "Stop it, you two. It's annoying."

"I forgot. Yuuta wants Syusuke all to himself, right?" Saeki snickered.

"Saeki-san!" Yuuta protested, blushing.

Fuji smiled at his younger brother. "Poor Yuuta. Koujirou, you're teasing him too much." He tilted his head, studying the way Yuuta was fidgeting, before shrugging. "Okay, Yuuta, you can go now. Aniki and Koujirou need to talk to Ryoma-kun."

"Can I talk to Mizu-"

"No. You do that, and you'll be talking to his dead body." Ryoma noticed that Fuji was still smiling, even when he issued the threat.

"Whatever. I guess I'll go mope in a corner or something."

Saeki smirked. "You do that."

Three seconds later, Yuuta was holding a very animated conversation with Atobe about music.

"What did you want to talk about?" Ryoma asked, bouncing slightly on the couch. He frowned. Too many people had been sitting on it, and all the springiness had disappeared.

Fuji glanced around. The three of them were the only ones in their particular corner. He leaned a bit closer to the younger boy. "Mizuki."

"What about him?"

Saeki frowned, the previous humor gone from his eyes. "Syusuke and I were discussing it. You do know about the incident three years ago, right?"

Ryoma nodded wordlessly, still unaware of where this was going.

"Did you know that Mizuki tried to kill Yuuta?"

"What?"

Fuji sighed. "He's extremely dangerous. Apparently, he decided that killing Yuuta would benefit him in two ways: although he couldn't talk to Yuuta, no one else would be able to, either, and he would also be hurting me in the process."

Ryoma's eyes widened.

"He got some of his friends to drive down a deserted highway while Yumiko-neesan was driving Yuuta back from a violin competition. His friends tried forcing them off the road and down a cliff by driving the wrong way so that they'd collide head-on."

"What happened?"

"Yumiko has the power of foresight. That's what she says, anyways. She apparently 'saw' that they'd pull aside just before the collision, so she continued driving forward. Mizuki's friends moved aside a bit too late. One them ended up dead; Yumiko had to get seventeen stitches in her arm."

"And?"

Fuji shrugged. "What else is there to say? We couldn't pin it down on Mizuki – after all, he wasn't in the car – and his friends explained that the driver, who'd been killed, had been driving drunk. Therefore, we didn't receive any compensation."

Ryoma glanced from Fuji to Saeki. "So, why are you telling me this again?"

"You could potentially be in danger," Saeki explained. "Since Mizuki saw you talking to Syusuke earlier, he may have assumed that you two are friends. Therefore, judging by his previous actions, he may attempt to harm Syusuke again by hurting his friends. He won't go after Yuuta again, mainly because Yuuta is speaking to him during the night, and he thinks Syusuke doesn't know about that."

"And you don't care that your brother's talking to Mizuki?"

Fuji's eyes narrowed. "Do I really have a choice? If I complain, and Yuuta stops talking to Mizuki, he'll be the target again."

Ryoma turned back to Saeki. "So what do you want me to do?"

"It's not what you have to do. It's what _we're_ doing." Saeki gestured to four of the other members sitting at random spots in the room. "Kikumaru, Sengoku, Kaidoh, Kirihara, and I make up the FiveK."

"Which is?"

Fuji glanced up. "The FiveK – they first established this group back when they were in middle school – is a group of five of the arguably most talented people in Japan. Each of them has a specific skill that they excel in. Due to this, they make up the perfect guarding system."

Ryoma's eyes widened. "Don't tell me –"

Despite the situation, Fuji couldn't help but beam. "Say hello to your new bodyguards, Ryoma-kun!"

>>>>

Ryoma was pissed.

Very pissed, actually.

Not only was he stuck with five supposed bodyguards for the duration of Mizuki's stay at what used to be _his_ house, one of the bodyguards – a particular redhead – kept glomping him until he was over-glomped.

It was annoying as hell. Ryoma didn't know how Fuji could stand it – he was being trailed by members of the FiveK, as well, but managed to keep smiling throughout it all – but he couldn't last another minute.

He sighed again and glanced curiously at the far corner of the room, where a silhouette could be seen perched in the windowsill.

There was another short pause before Ryoma stood, went to the window, and pulled down the blinds.

As soon as he'd done this, a figure slipped out from behind the closet and pulled up the blinds. The two shadowy figures gave each other a thumbs up before returning to their positions.

"Saeki-san," Ryoma protested in the direction of the closet. "Don't do that. It's annoying."

There was only silence.

"I'm going to go get a drink," he muttered.

Two shadows trailed him.

Ryoma's eye twitched. It twitched a lot, actually. It looked like he was having a miniature seizure or something. He threw open the kitchen door and blinked.

"…Atobe…san?"

The diva glanced up from where he was contemplating a bottle of expensive-looking wine. The rest of the limo-group was there as well, all of them eying the bottle. "Yes?"

"What are you doing?"

"Examining this Chardonnay to see if it's good enough for ore-sama," was the cocky reply.

Ryoma frowned. "Alcohol is bad for you," he pointed out.

"Says the sixteen-year-old who's never hadChardonnay," Atobe retorted.

"Why, you – " Ryoma grabbed the bottle. "I may not have had it before, but I bet I can drink more than you."

Normally, Ryoma would have kept his head, but his nerves were frazzled, he was tired, and he refused to put up with a minute more of Atobe's…Atobe-ness. He was pissed beyond pissed.

Atobe stood as well. "Really. Ever tasted alcohol before?"

"Naturally." He had, actually. Nanjiroh had told him that champagne was sparkling grape juice. He'd finished half a glass before he realized it tasted yucky.

"Fine. I accept your challenge." Atobe poured out two glasses of the wine. As an afterthought, he handed the bottle around the table to the rest of his friends.

Lifting the glass, and keeping his golden eyes on those blazing silver-grey ones, Ryoma tilted his head back and let the liquid slide down his throat.

>>>>

Somewhere around the tenth glass, Ryoma noticed that he was very dizzy, very sick, and very happy. For some reason, he was sprawled across Atobe's lap, and trying to clink their glasses together for a toast. He kept missing, spilling wine all over Atobe's shirt, but the diva didn't seem to mind.

Across the room, the rest of Atobe's posse watched in mild amusement. "Atobe's pretty good," Oshitari remarked.

Gakuto shrugged. "Yeah, pretty good and drunk. Look at his eyes; they're dull."

"Good point." Shishido shook his head in disbelief. "He's wasted."

There was a clink, then a shrill giggle. Ryoma had just managed to finally knock his glass against Atobe's, but the process resulted in all the wine in his glass spilling across the floor. He reached for the bottle and ended up spilling it all over the diva. "Oops."

Atobe staggered to his feet. "Ah…I think I'll go get changed. Want to come along, Ryoma?"

"Sure." Ryoma let out another giggle, tried to stand, and promptly collapsed. "Heeee. My legs won't work."

Ohtori took a step forward. "Do you think we should help them?"

"You're too nice, Ohtori," Gakuto muttered. "You know perfectly well Atobe's a freaking slut. If you try getting between him and his newest victim, the consequences probably won't be too pretty."

The silver-haired boy blushed. "Well…I mean, Atobe-san…he looks a bit…"

"Like a drunkard, right? He is, after all." Oshitari shrugged elegantly. "Let's abandon the room before they start fucking."

"I second that notion," Shishido muttered, and the group filed out of the room.

Kikumaru and Sengoku, who'd been the ones lurking in Ryoma's bedroom as his guardians for the moment, had left as soon as Ryoma entered the kitchen, figuring that since Ryoma was in a large group of people, he'd be relatively safe. They'd gone to guard Yuuta, instead.

Saeki frowned. "Ok, it's been long enough. You should probably check on Echizen every once in a while, even if he _is_ in a large group of people, and you've been watching the doors."

"Ok." Kikumaru abandoned Yuuta and made his way to the kitchen doors. He pushed it open, freezing, and backed out. "Echizen's…a bit…busy right now…"

"What do you mean?" Saeki grabbed Fuji, who'd been listening rather worriedly, and stormed off to the kitchen. He stuck his head in and paled. "Oi, you! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Atobe, who'd been in the process of unbuttoning Ryoma's shirt, glanced up languidly. "Is there a problem?"

"I should say so. Let go of Echizen _now_."

Ryoma glanced up. "Saeki-san! Fuji-san!" he chirped, waving. "Want to come join us?" He hiccuped slightly.

That was when both the older boys noticed the empty bottle of wine on the table.

It didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened.

The next thing Atobe knew, he was being smashed on the head with various kitchen utensils (it was a good thing neither Saeki nor Fuji knew where the knives were). He turned and fled up the stairs, stumbling as he did so.

"Ryoma-kun…" Fuji frowned. "Shit, what are we going to do with him?"

"Bring him to your room. We can't let his parents see him." Saeki glanced at the mess on the table. "We'll say that was all Atobe's doing. Come on."

Ryoma was surprisingly light, Fuji noted, as he carried the boy up the stairs and dumped him unceremoniously onto the bed. Hn. He sighed. Why was the boy such an utter idiot? To accept a challenge from someone like Atobe…ridiculous.

He sighed again. Bending down, he pressed a kiss onto the younger boy's forehead. "Sleep well," he muttered. "I don't envy the hangover you'll have when you wake up."

Passing by the room on his way to his own room, Mizuki peered through the open door and smirked. "How sweet." His eyes narrowed at the sight of Saeki observing him from the shadows. Moving to his room, he walked inside.

The door clicked shut behind him.

>>>>

Er…yeah. Late update, and with a bad chapter. Sorry.

Anyways, I now have 69 hours for episodes 106-110 to dl. Hmph. That's…three days minus three hours. Interesting.

And my brother's kicking me off again. He needs to get a life. I mean, who goes on the computer all day?...oh, right, me.


	6. Rabid Fangirls Are Deadly

Disclaimer (As said by Shinji): I don't see why I have to write these things. They're so annoying. I mean, everyone knows perfectly well that Tenipuri does not belong to me. I would think that it'd be a bit obvious. But no, these disclaimers are mandatory or something, and I can't see why. This is stupid. I hate this. There are lots of things I hate, actually. Like bees. And…and alligators. Well, I don't really hate alligators that much, but I needed something to say, and alligators happened to come to my mind…(Wanders off)

Bachelorette Gone Wrong

Sea-at-Night: Wow, that _is_ kind of strange. Anyways, I've been taking private lessons for nine years now. I'm working on the Bruch concerto and the Bach partitas. And Kirihara is already rising in my list of favorite characters, don't worry.

Krys n Ares: ….(is amused)

Yoshikochan: SaekiFuji makes me HAPPY! (cheers)

Tenken no Miko: O.O Er…isn't Kirihara two years younger than Yukimura and Sanada…? Ok, I won't ask. Anyways, I used to live in California. Moved when I was eight. California's schools were so much harder than the one I'm in now, though…I guess I should be thankful…

Ki-ku-maru Beam: Um…thanks for the support, but this happens to be another pointless chapter. (Don't kill me! Please!) So…you might just want to…not read it. And my brother wasn't the cause this time. I'm just trying to wait for the next episodes to figure out who some of the characters are, but people still want updates and such, so it's a bit of a dilemma…sorry.

StarSniper: Er…(feels like an idiot) What's beta-ing? Is it like editing or something?

Chapter Six – Rabid Fangirls Are Deadly

Ryoma forced open one tired golden eye and surveyed his surroundings. He took in the strange bedroom with a sense of calm, then glanced over at Fuji, who was once again sleeping in the armchair. He opened the other eye. "Ohayo, Fuji-san…"

The tensai uncurled and glanced at him. "What? Oh, you're up." He paused. "How's your head?"

"My head? It's fine, why do you ask…" Ryoma groaned as a sudden splitting pain lanced through him. "What the hell…"

Fuji coughed slightly, hiding a smile. "You had too much to drink last night," he explained.

"Drink? What…" Memories began flooding back, and Ryoma turned a funny shade of green. "Oh…I think I'm going to throw up…"

His companion, suddenly looking slightly worried (more for the carpet than for the boy), pushed him towards the door. "Not on the floor, please."

"Ugh." He flopped back on the bed, shivering.

And then, as Fuji watched curiously, he sat bolt upright. "Why am I in your room?!"

"Um…"

"I bet you took advantage of me when I was drunk! You evil child molester! Pedophile! I'm…I'm going to sue you, and…and take the money to buy myself something to get rid of this headache!"

The tensai tilted his head. "It doesn't make much sense to call me a pedophile when I'm less than two years older than you. Besides, _I_ wasn't the one who molested you. Atobe was."

"Atobe…" Ryoma turned that funny shade of green again, and Fuji noted with mild amusement that the thought of the diva seemed to upset him more than the thought of alcohol. He glanced around, presumably looking for something. "…Fuji-san?"

"Yes?"

"I need aspirin."

The older boy shrugged and stood up, amiably starting downstairs. He stopped when he heard Ryoma call out again. Turning, he blinked at the boy, who was watching him with something akin to laughter in his golden eyes (although the nausea was still there). "What is it?"

"You should probably put on some pants before you go."

Fuji considered his attire. "I think the shirt's long enough. After all, it _does_ reach my knees." Disregarding Ryoma's advice, he sauntered cheerfully down the stairs.

Ryoma watched him leave with a slight smile before letting out a loud groan. _Damn headache! Atobe is so going to pay for this!_

"Ryoma's up. You might want to send someone to look after him," Fuji remarked offhandedly to Saeki as the two of them sat sipping orange juice on the couch.

Saeki shrugged. "Kaidoh's been up there for a while, actually. He didn't want to do it – afraid he'd catch sight of something intimate between you two, apparently – but we all convinced him in the end."

"You know he'd never witness anything intimate between me and Ryoma-kun. You're my only love, Koujirou." Fuji paused. "…and about sixteen other people, but that's not the point."

"Aww. It'd be touching if it wasn't an absolute lie."

Fuji gazed up with sparkling blue eyes. "It might not be a lie, Koujirou," he murmured seductively. "For all you know, I could passionately be in love with you, and all this bantering is just a façade to hide my real feelings. In fact, I _am_ entranced by you." He leaned closer. "Kiss me."

Saeki bent down, caught in the hypnotizing sapphire stare.

When their faces were a millimeter apart, Fuji hopped nimbly off the couch, laughing. "Then again, it might just be a lie. I'm going to get more orange juice. Want some?"

"Why, you –" Saeki launched off into a string of expletives that would have probably shocked anyone who didn't know the white-haired boy all that well.

"That wasn't very nice," came the call from the kitchen. There was a pause. Then, "It's only five in the morning. What are you doing up?"

The other boy glanced up. "I could ask you the same thing."

Fuji came back into the living room, two glasses of orange juice and a pair of donuts perched precariously on his hands. "Oh, well, Ryoma woke up and sent me down to get some…aspirin…" His voice trailed off as he considered that thoughtfully. "Um…I should probably go bring that to him now."

Ryoma was steaming when the tensai reentered the room. _"Does it really take someone half an hour to find a single aspirin?"_

"Go ahead, complain. Next time I'm feeding you poison."

There was a subtle hiss from the top of the closet.

"It wasn't literal, Kaidoh," Fuji muttered.

"…" Ryoma stared at the tablet. "Um, can I have a glass of water?"

"Er…orange juice?" Fuji offered, holding out his glass.

"It'll do." He swallowed the tablet, chasing it down with a healthy gulp of juice. And choked. "What did you do to this juice?"

The tensai retrieved the glass, looking at it curiously. "Nothing, why?"

"It's not orange juice!"

"Well, I added a dash of sugar, but that's all."

He was rewarded with an incredulous stare from narrowed golden eyes. "A _dash?_ More like six heaping spoonfuls!"

Fuji frowned. "Actually, eight. But it doesn't really taste too different. Anyways, are you feeling better?"

"No." Ryoma pressed two hands to his forehead. "And I still can't really remember what happened yesterday. Why do I have such a headache?"

"Well…you had around ten glasses of Atobe's wine, ended up…um…" Fuji decided to skip the part about Ryoma making out with the diva. "I mean, you sort of…passed out, so Saeki dumped you in my room so your parents wouldn't notice your condition. And the headache happens to be a major hangover. Amateurs should not drink ten glasses of alcohol at once."

"What time is it?"

Fuji glanced at the digital clock. "Five forty-eight."

"Oh…shit." Ryoma glanced around. "I need to go to school."

"I'll drive," the tensai chirped cheerfully.

"You most certainly will not."

"Then Saeki will, since we're the only ones awake right now."

Ryoma resigned himself to an early death. "…on second thought, I prefer your driving skills."

Saeki glanced up to see a rather haggard-looking boy alongside his friend. "…you're not looking too good, Echizen."

"Why, thank you. I hadn't noticed," the boy snarled, storming off to the kitchen. He glanced around. "Hey, where are my donuts?"

Fuji glanced up from a mouthful of said donut. "Mm."

Ryoma made a beeline for him. "That's mine!"

"Sorry," the tensai replied from another bite of the powdered confection.

Ryoma decided to imitate Saeki, letting out his own string of curses, which, although less in quantity, happened to be a lot louder. A door slammed from upstairs; Kirihara shouted, "Shut the hell up!"

"Watch the language, subordinate!" Saeki called back. Unfortunately, he too had pilfered a donut, so it sounded more like "Mmawch mm nmawidge, orimnade!"

Kirihara's yell had prompted a chain reaction. Doors began flying open as random heads stuck out. Most seemed extremely pissed at being woken up; a few (namely Tezuka) looked completely emotionless as usual, and Oshitari seemed quite frankly amused at the way the others were bitching.

It was only when a certain door was flung open, revealing a certain diva in all his splendor, that most of the others shut up.

And no, they weren't shutting up because they were standing in awe of Atobe's beauty.

They turned suddenly quiet because of the _look_ in Atobe's dark silver eyes.

The look…of death…

After thinking this, Ryoma realized that he really needed to stop watching Lord of the Rings over and over again, since the whole Sauron-being-a-deadly-eyeball thing seemed to be having a negative effect on him. Nevertheless, Atobe _was_ looking rather scary, and that thought was compounded when the diva, who'd been holding a compact mirror, crushed the object and let the glass shards scatter across the ground.

"Ore-sama has a headache," he snarled, in a tone that would have frozen fire. "Ore-sama demands silence. Is that understood?"

"Ye-" began Jirou, with a lengthy yawn.

"_Silence!_" Atobe shrieked at the narcileptic. "If you absolutely must, you may nod, but don't do that too often, too! Is that understood!"

He was rewarded with the slightest of nods from those in his general vicinity.

"Good." The door slammed behind him as he returned to his room.

As soon as he'd disappeared, the chattering and yelling started freshly. Kirihara seemed to be very intent on annoying everyone possible, Shinji was mumbling (to the wall, which listened very sympathetically), Inui was scribbling in a notebook (although he seemed to still be slightly sleepy, since the notebook was upside-down), and Mizuki was eying Tezuka, who was ignoring him in a very pointed fashion.

Upstairs, a door banged violently against the wall again, and something swished in the general direction of Shinji's voice. "_I said shut the fuck up, you Neanderthals!_"

Shinji blinked at the knife which was now quivering in the wall he'd just been talking to. "Well…see, now that's not very nice. I happened to be talking to the wall, you know. Of course, it'd probably have been worse if it'd been a real person. You could get sued. Especially if it hit a vital organ or something like that. Nevertheless, you could have killed me, too, which also isn't particularly nice. If you really want to kill someone, maybe you should try aiming for something other than the wall. I don't think aiming at the wall will improve your accuracy, unless you happen to throw at an angle, and aiming in the wrong direction corrects that angle. But that can't be, because you ended up hitting the wall anyways…"

"Kabaji," Atobe practically whimpered. "Make it stop."

Kabaji folded his arms over his chest and gave a very evil glare in the direction of the others.

Ryoma glanced at his watch. Six thirty…interesting. It meant that his classes started in approximately…

…three…

…minutes…

He had two options. If he wanted to get to school on time (or near it, anyways) he'd have to also face potential death. That meant driving with Saeki. If he wanted to get to school a bit late, he'd also have to face death, but with a lower chance of it. Except with Fuji, the chance wasn't really all that much lower. And if he wanted to have a higher chance of survival, he'd be very, very late.

So he chose the most obvious option. "I have a headache. I'm not going to school."

"Ryoma," Rinko snapped, moving down the stairs – apparently the yelling had woken her up, since it'd already been able to rouse Jirou. "Are you trying to cut again?"

"No, I'm really sick."

She leaned over and felt his forehead. "No fever." She paused, sniffing. "Ryoma, you smell like…alcohol…"

He blinked at her.

"Echizen Ryoma! Have you been drinking?!"

Heads turned; people stared. Atobe popped his head out, presumably to demand silence again, caught sight of the scene, and looked mildly guilty. Or nauseated. It was hard to tell. However, judging by the way he turned and sprinted for the bathroom – he evidently didn't take large amounts of alcohol too well – it was the latter.

"I can't deal with this. Get someone to drive you to school. You'll get in trouble once I come home." She stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind her."

"I'll drive, Echizen-kun," Saeki said, too sweetly.

* * *

Fuji had decided to drive, after pointing out that Ryoma would throw up if Saeki drove.

Leaning out the window, Ryoma vaguely noted that Fuji had been correct. After all, if he was already chucking his breakfast just with Fuji's driving, Saeki's would have meant death.

"There's a squirrel in the road," he noted. The headache was back, throbbing and persisted. "Damn. I think I'm going to throw up."

"You've been doing that for the past three minutes; you don't need to announce it." Fuji swerved to avoid said squirrel in a screech of tires, not seeming to care that he'd just forced three other cars off the road. The squirrel was more important, anyways.

The swerve was not what Ryoma's stomach currently needed, and he leaned out over the window as far as he could. "Oh…shit."

"What's with that squirrel?" Fuji complained, having come directly in front of it again. "It keeps running in front of the damn car."

"Actually," Saeki remarked, "you did a u-turn when you tried to avoid the rodent in the first place. You're going the wrong way."

The tensai promptly did another 180 degree turn.

"Sexy but stupid," the white-haired boy muttered, just loud enough to be heard.

"You think I'm sexy? Thanks, darling."

Saeki smirked. "Of course you're sexy. For a girl, that is."

Fuji blinked, driving through a copse of trees that definitely was not on the road. "Is that a subtle way of saying you want to see me crossdress?"

"Perhaps. I wouldn't mind, at any rate."

"Well…Yumiko-neesan _did_ dress me up as a ballerina twelve years ago. Doubt I'd fit in it anymore, though."

"It's not like you're any taller than you were when you were six. Don't worry, I like my lovers a lot shorter than me." Saeki wrapped an arm around Fuji and planted a chaste kiss on the boy's cheek.

"You like being seme?" Fuji laughed. "Even if I'm shorter, you're still under me."

The conversation was interrupted by gagging noises in the backseat. "Pay attention to the road, damnit!"

Both sighed, and turned to face the road, only to realize there was a row of joggers crossing the street. "Interesting," Fuji remarked.

"Quite," Saeki replied.

And they calmly continued flirting while Fuji easily weaved through the athletes on one wheel, practically flattening five of them in the process, while Ryoma screamed bloody murder in the backseat.

Another screech, and Ryoma heard a shriek as the car dove through the school gates and abruptly braked three inches in front of the doors. Saeki yawned. "Fuji, you need to learn how to take a few risks. Try driving at a decent speed next time."

"Sorry. I prefer not to get horribly maimed." Fuji glanced at the backseat. "Ryoma?"

"Yes?"

"We're here."

"…" Ryoma pulled himself away from the window. He climbed unsteadily out. "Ouch. My fucking head…and your lack of driving skills…ugh."

Saeki glanced at his watch. "You're late for school. Hurry up, get in."

"Right." Fuji lifted up the backpack and tennis rackets, while Saeki steadied the boy.

"Why are you two following me?"

Saeki smirked. "Well, since I'm one of your bodyguards, I have to accompany you everywhere, obviously. And I figured I might as well keep an eye on Fuji, too. So guess what? We'll be with you _all day!_"

Kami-sama help him.

"Sorry I'm late," Ryoma muttered to his math teacher. He slid into his seat. Saeki promptly situated himself into the windowsill while Fuji took the more direct approach and sat on the desk, successfully giving Ryoma a nice view of his ass and nothing else.

"Right. We'll be studying the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus today. Who can tell me what that is?"

Fuji raised a hand.

The teacher blinked. "You are…?"

"Don't you read the newspapers? I'm Ryoma-kun's girlfriend, of course," Fuji replied, pitching his voice an octave higher than usual. "Fuji Yumiko."

"Why you…" Ryoma hissed.

"And why are you here?"

Fuji stared at her like she was insane. "Oh, I couldn't possibly live without my Ryo-chan for seven hours," he giggled. Yes, _giggled._ In the window, Saeki was doing his best not to laugh.

The teacher stared at Ryoma, then at Fuji. "I'm sorry, but I don't think this is appropriate…"

"The Fundamental Theorem is the building structure for Calculus. Its basic use is that of the integral, or anti-derivative, which can also calculate the area under a curve. The integral is the Riemann sum as k goes from one to infinity of n number of rectangles, each of which has height x equals k sub-one. The basic integral for power functions such as x to the a is equal to x to the power a 1 over a 1."

There was silence. The teacher was blinking like a miracle had just occurred. "That's amazing. You…you actually know what it is…"

"So can I stay?"

"By all means."

Fuji smirked. "Thank you," he said, and promptly turned to the tomato-colored Echizen. "Did you hear that, Ryo-chan? I can stay!"

"That…is…wonderful," Ryoma managed to growl through gritted teeth. He hadn't appreciated just what a sadist Fuji was before, but now he knew.

Of course, it was now too late.

During the entire class, Fuji answered every question, and the teacher whispered to Ryoma, "Perhaps you should get your girlfriend to tutor you. She's very intelligent. And very pretty."

He flashed her a glare from golden eyes and stormed off.

"Ryoma-sama!!!!"

A swarm of girls converged on him and Fuji as they walked through the corridors. "Ryoma-sama, what's going on?" "I thought you said this wasn't your girlfriend?" "She's not even pretty! I mean…ok, she is, but she's so…flat!"

The last comment was rather amusing, and Fuji laughed, even though Ryoma didn't.

"I have a headache!" he yelled. "Shut up!"

There was miraculous, blessed silence for all of three milliseconds before the talking broke out again. "Oh no! Ryoma has a headache!" "I'll help you cure it, Ryoma-sama!" "Ryoma-sama, want an aspirin? I'll trade it for a kiss!"

"Get away from me!" he yelled, but they kept coming closer and closer and closer and closer and…

Suddenly, they weren't there anymore. He blinked up at a white-haired boy who was standing over him. "Excuse me. I believe Echizen said to move away."

"Who are you?" Tomoka asked indignantly. "There's no way you're getting between Ryoma-sama and his fan club!"

"Really?" Saeki's voice was dangerously pleasant. "You have five seconds to get away from Echizen before the…consequences…happen."

Tomoka tossed her hair (a bit ineffective, since it was in pigtails, which merely swayed a bit) and frowned at him. "Why don't _you_ get away from Ryoma-sama? I'm sure he prefers our company to yours."

"Actually, I don't," Ryoma muttered from his position on the ground.

The girl gaped at him before coming up with what she probably thought was the obvious solution. "Well, he has a headache! He must be delirious! Of course he loves us!"

Ryoma realized just why Atobe had wanted silence that morning. This, along with his headache, was torture.

"Oi, Echizen, what are you doing?"

A familiar voice. Finally. "Momo-sempai. Oh…An-chan…"

"What's going on?" An asked, moving closer.

Saeki blinked at her. "Who's this?"

"A friend. She's fine. So is the oaf with the spiky hair. The others…I'm not too sure about," Ryoma replied.

"Echizen, you have a bodyguard?" Momo gaped.

He shrugged. "Something like that. Come on, let's go." He started off in the direction of his next class.

"Don't follow," Saeki instructed, as the five of them started off.

The poor, stupid fanclub didn't bother heeding his advice.

The white-haired boy shook his head in mock despair. "Is it really that hard to follow instructions?" He pulled something out from the pocket of his jeans and flipped it open.

"Those aren't allowed in school," Tomoka breathed, staring at the shiny switchblade.

"Yeah? Well, I'm not a student. So get away from Echizen already." Saeki's eyes narrowed challengingly.

With one last, defiant 'eep', the girls scurried away.

"Those really _aren't_ allowed in school," Ryoma pointed out casually.

"Why?" the white-haired boy asked curiously. "It's just a fake. It's made out of plastic and aluminum foil."

Fuji grinned. "I have one, too. Very handy to carry in case you ever meet a mugger. Also, it releases ketchup upon impact."

"Why would it –" Ryoma considered that. "Oh. Realistic, I'm sure."

An turned to Fuji. "Are you really Ryoma-kun's girlfriend?"

Momo choked. "An-chan…that's a male…"

"What?" An studied Fuji's amused expression more closely. "Ryoma's _gay?"_

"We're not going out!"

It was too late. Whispers sprung up as heads turned towards Ryoma and the two _very_ pretty boys accompanying him.

He buried his face in his hands. Why did he even bother coming to school?

* * *

This was a completely pointless filler chapter while I'm working on getting to figure out who Kirihara and Marui are. Unfortunately, they seem to appear during episode 120 or so. I'm on episode 106 (with 23 hours left.) So pointless filler chapters will keep appearing to keep people amused. Sorry. 


	7. Memories

Disclaimer: (As said by Kabaji) Usu. (Translation: Tenipuri belongs to the great Atobe-sama.)

Bachelorette Gone Wrong

Sea-at-Night: Urk. Sorry for the previous pointless chapter. This one actually has something resembling plot. (I think, anyways.) Not quite Rikkai, but since this chapter happens to progress the story, it's been posted. Since I finally learned something about Sanada, he and Yukimura will have a nice, sweet little scene in the next chapter. (And it'll all be Niou's fault.)

Tezuka eiri: Um…there will be lots of TezFuji in here, but since most people have requested it, the main pairing will be FujiRyo. Sorry. If you're looking for TezuFuji, I'll probably post one up in time for Christmas, but this fic isn't what you're looking for.

Ki-ku-maru Beam: Yay, you actually liked the previous chapter? I feel fulfilled. Anyways, if switchblades were allowed in my school, I'd probably ask to be homeschooled. There are way too many scary people here.

Tenken no Miko: So in your version of the Rikkai family, the…um…adopted daughter (who happens to be a boy) is two years younger than her parents (who are both males)? XD Can't wait to get to Rikkai!! And…er…well, I doubt there are really switchblades like that. Maybe at a Halloween store?

Shiomi: I don't know any Japanese, so I'm having so much trouble with the puns (whines). Anyways, please please please help! (Runs around frantically like a rabbit which has just consumed sugar. And yes, I have a rabbit, so I know what they're like.)

Star Sniper: Oh. Well, my brother edits my chapters for me (even if he hates shonen-ai), but thanks for the offer anyways. By the way, I read some of the stuff you've been posting on the livejournal tenipuri communities. LOVE. (I would review but I'm too lazy to set up an lj account…)

What. The. Fuck. Am. I. Doing. Up. At. Two. A. M. Writing. Fanfiction. When. I. Have. A. Twelve. Page. English. Essay. Due. Tomorrow. That. I. Haven't. Started. Yet??? (I'm such an idiot!)

Anyways, part of this chapter is spawned by the random crack pairing generator, from which I received the results 'Echizen Ryoma', 'Mizuki Hajime', and the subject 'Math'. Fear me. (Of course, this was after I refreshed a few dozen times to find a result I liked...

Chapter Seven – Memories

Ryoma arrived home to find that basically everyone (with the exception of him, Fuji, and Saeki) was crammed into the studio, listening to the rules of the contest.

There were quite a few people he didn't recognize. Either his memory was failing, or the remainder of the contestants had arrived. Probably the latter; sixteen-year-olds generally didn't have memory lapses.

It was a very good thing that Rinko was sitting in the studio, since it meant that he wouldn't get yelled at for getting drunk until…well…later. Which probably still wasn't good, but it was better. He scanned the new faces, noting that there was another rather effeminate-looking boy. Nanako seemed to have a thing for them.

"…and we'll start today by each of you picking out a slip with a number," Nanjiroh concluded, holding out a box in which approximately thirty-two slips fluttered.

The three of them watched as the box was handed around. Saeki leaned over and grabbed it before Kirihara could pick out a slip, smirking. He drew one of the papers and passed it over to Fuji, who lifted one as well, then returned it to Kirihara, who made a face at them.

Saeki raised an eyebrow. "Seven," he remarked.

"Fifteen," Fuji replied, frowning. "I hate that number."

The white-haired boy tossed him a sympathetic glance. "Want to trade?"

The tensai's eyes flickered to Tezuka, who was watching them, and away. "No thanks. I need to learn to…you know, forget things. The past is the past. _It'll never happen again._" And then he reverted back to his usual smiling façade, leaning over his brother's shoulder to check the number (twenty-three) and ignoring the deadly glare Mizuki sent him.

The contestants soon arranged themselves into something resembling an order. Ryoma noted that 'Lucky' Sengoku was number one. Mizuki was three, Tezuka six, Kirihara thirteen, and number thirty-two belonged to the effeminate boy he'd noticed earlier.

"Number one, please come up here," Nanako called with a glittering smile and cheerful wave. Ryoma wondered how she could be so optimistic about spending a day with each of thirty-two people, most of which seemed like idiots.

Shrugging, he tried sneaking out of the studio before…

"Ryoma! Come here!"

…Rinko noticed him.

He froze and turned slowly. "Ah…okaasan, it's not completely my fault…"

"What were you doing with alcohol this morning?"

"Well, you see, I actually didn't have any this morning. It was just last night, and I only had a tiny drop. Stop laughing, Fuji-san."

Fuji, having apparently had his moment of fun, decided to stick up for the younger boy. "Echizen-san…it was mainly Atobe-san's fault. He called your son a coward in order to induce him to drink the wine." Seeing that Rinko's expression wasn't changing in the lightest, he paused.

Saeki jumped in, doing quite an amazing bit of improvising. "And of course, Echizen-kun was intelligent enough to refuse. At which point, Atobe-san called upon his minions to…"

"To tie him up and force the stuff down your son's throat, thus rendering him horribly drunk and incapable of defending himself, which meant…"

"Atobe could easily take advantage of Echizen-kun. He did so, and we were just in time to save him from a horrible fate," Saeki concluded.

Rinko glanced between the two boys. "Um…you do know that I'm a lawyer and can see through all manner of lies, right?"

"Ooh." Fuji recoiled. "Didn't think of that."

"It _was_ Atobe's doing, though…" Ryoma protested.

"Really." Rinko glanced towards the living room, where the diva was chatting with Oshitari. "Atobe-kun, can you come over here?"

Atobe glanced up, surprised, and walked over. "What can I do for you, Echizen-san?"

"Did you get my son drunk yesterday?"

The diva froze for a split second before replying smoothly, "Of course not. I wouldn't do such a horrible thing."

Rinko was watching his eyes, and she frowned. "This is quite strange. Fuji-kun and Saeki-kun say that you did it, but I can tell that they're lying. You say you didn't, but I can tell that you're lying as well." She paused. "You know what? I give up. I'm already late for an appointment with a client, so Ryoma, you can turn into a drunkard if you want. Goodbye." She stalked out the door, and they soon heard the sound of the engine revving.

Atobe glanced at them evilly. "That wasn't a smart move, Echizen-kun. Remember, I have the money to hire your mother if I wanted to." He returned briskly to the couch.

Ryoma shook his head. "And okaasan thinks he's so charming, too."

"We're going out to play tennis," Saeki announced to Ryoma. "Want to come watch?"

"Homework," the younger boy explained.

Fuji glanced at the papers. "Saa, Ryoma-kun. Didn't your teacher tell you to ask your girlfriend to tutor you?"

"Shut up." Ryoma growled.

Saeki smirked. "By the way, Syusuke, I'm quite disappointed in you. Since when did you decide to leave me and become Echizen's girlfriend?"

"Oh, dear. I forgot to mention it to you, didn't I? Well, Koujirou, you…are no longer enough for me."

The white-haired boy took a theatrical stumble. "Don't tell me you're leaving me!"

"Please understand. I just want…someone else for now."

Saeki sighed melodramatically. "I should have known. No one can keep you occupied, Syusuke. But…just remember that if you're ever bored again, I'll always be here for you."

"Thank you. I'll remember that." Fuji lowered his eyes. "Goodbye, Koujirou." He walked towards the door.

"Come back!" Saeki did a very fake swoon, which resulted in him banging his head on the desk and knocking the textbook onto the floor.

Ryoma stood, slamming his palms down on the table. "_Go play your fucking tennis game already!"_

"Ok, ok." The two of them ran outside, laughing.

The younger boy watched them leave with something close to ruefulness. If only he didn't have all this homework…

* * *

One hour later, he was very close to finishing, and quite proud.

"Echizen-kun," a voice purred, very close to his ear.

He practically had a heart attack. Whirling, he stared at the purple shirt and came to the most obvious solution. "Mizuki-san."

"Are you having trouble on your homework?"

Ryoma glanced at him warily. "I'm fine."

"Really? I could tutor you, you know."

"Mizuki-san, it's quite kind of you, but I'm doing wonderfully in my classes," the younger boy lied blatantly.

Mizuki's eyes scanned the paper. "My, your teachers must be quite horrible at grading. You got three of these problems correct."

Ryoma would have counted even that as quite an accomplishment, had the paper not had sixty-eight problems on it. "Well…"

"Don't worry. I won't charge you or anything." Mizuki laughed in the mildly sinister way he had, sliding into another chair. "Now, what are you studying?"

"Look, Mizuki-san, I appreciate this and all, but if I really need help, I'll ask Fuji-san or someone." Ryoma subtly shifted away a few inches.

The older boy's eyes flashed briefly. "I see. Only Fuji's good enough for you, is it?"

"Nya, Ochibi!" a very hyperactive voice squealed. "You promised to help me bake cookies, remember?" The redhead did a somersault from the top of the cabinet in the corner and landed between Mizuki and Ryoma. "Come on, come on!"

Ryoma found himself being dragged in the direction of the kitchen, Mizuki watching with narrowed eyes. He glanced up at his savior. "Kikumaru-san, right? Um…if you want cookies, there are some in the cabinets, but I'd recommend for you to lower your sugar intake."

"Don't be an idiot." The redhead glared at him. "I thought buchou already told you. You're to stay away from Mizuki at all costs."

_Buchou…? Ah, he must mean Saeki._ "Well, he just sat down next to me. What was I supposed to do?"

"Good point." Kikumaru frowned pensively. The look definitely didn't suit him. Within a few seconds, he'd reverted back to his usual cheerful expression. "You were having trouble with math, right? I can tutor you!"

"Eh?!" Ryoma took a step away. "Kikumaru-san…do you know anything about Calculus?"

The redhead gaped. "Ochibi's taking _Calculus_? Not even Fuji took Calc until he was thirteen!"

"I'm sixteen," Ryoma reminded irritably.

"Oh. Yeah." Kikumaru shrugged. "It's not my fault. You're just too short."

The younger boy seethed. It wasn't like there was anything he could do about the insult, of course. If Kikumaru had been a real bodyguard, he would have been fired right then and there, but he wasn't, so there wasn't much Ryoma could do.

"At any rate, I know next to nothing about Calculus. But if you ever need help in, you know, algebra or something…"

Ryoma shook his head. "Never mind. I'll just ask Fuji-san."

"Ask me what, Ryoma-kun?"

"Nya! Fuji, Ochibi wants you to help him with his math! He won't let anyone else help, either!"

The tensai blinked, then smiled at Ryoma with deceptive sweetness. "Is that true, Ryo-chan?"

"Don't call me that!" the younger boy growled. "And no, it's not." He glared at Kikumaru.

"It is so! You said to Mizuki that you'd ask Fuji to help you if you needed help!"

Saeki, coming in from behind, dropped the rackets to the ground and leapt over with panther-like swiftness. "Why were you talking to Mizuki?"

"He just sat down and offered to help me with math. _I_ wasn't the one talking to _him_."

The white-haired boy exchanged a glance with Kikumaru. "I see. And Sengoku's going to be out all day tomorrow, too."

"We'll have two on Fuji, two on Echizen. Yuuta seems to be relatively safe, since he keeps, um, sneaking off to Mizuki's room every night," the redhead agreed.

Fuji glanced down at the floor and said nothing.

Ryoma raised an eyebrow. "So, how did the tennis game go, anyways?"

The tensai lifted his head. "Oh, well, I won, by quite a margin. But I fancy that Koujirou let me. He's such a romantic; he probably thinks he can win me back by letting me beat him a few times."

"Is it working, dearest?"

Fuji smirked. "Of course. I love being able to…_play_…with people I can beat into submission."

"You two are so strange, nya." Kikumaru slid down on the couch.

Ryoma muttered something that sounded suspiciously like 'hentai' before returning to his textbook. He flipped through a few pages, cursing. "_Who needs to learn a stupid rule by a stupid Frenchman to solve a stupid limit?" _

"L'Hopital's rule?" Fuji haphazarded. "Actually, that's a very important rule, and L'Hopital was a brilliant man."

"If he was so brilliant, he would have hidden his discoveries from the rest of the world so I wouldn't have to be studying them now."

"Saa, you're not very motivated, are you?"

Golden eyes flashed. "Of course I am. _Everyone_ needs to know how to take derivatives."

"Don't be so sarcastic. They're quite helpful. For example, if you're ever stuck on a three-hour-long car ride with nothing to do, you can all play 'take the derivative of the curve!'"

Even Saeki looked rather dubious.

"…or not," Fuji amended. "At any rate, I _can_ tutor you if your want." He tilted his head, but Ryoma saw the tensai's smile flicker for a brief minute. He let his golden eyes travel to a spot by the stairs, where Yuuta and Mizuki were laughing together.

Ryoma turned back to Fuji. "Are you….all right?"

Fuji's sigh was wistful, full of longing and eternal sadness. "As long as he's happy."

* * *

"…so I use the quotient rule, and if it's equal to a constant, the rates are the same, and if it's zero, the bottom function grows more rapidly?"

"Bottom function?" Saeki remarked from the corner. "That sounds a bit perverted."

"Shut up," both tutor and student chorused. Fuji frowned. "No, you don't use the quotient rule. That's the point. Take the derivative of the numerator and the derivative of the denominator separately. Understand?"

Ryoma glanced at the paper, which was almost completely covered in scribbles. "I guess."

"Good. Do this problem." Fuji jotted down a few numbers and variables. He slid the paper over, yawning. "It's rather late, isn't it?"

The younger boy, studying the problem intently, said nothing.

After a few minutes, the tensai took the paper. "You've got it. Congratulations. Well, you can do the rest yourself. I'm going to my room."

Saeki gestured lazily towards another corner, and Kirihara detached himself from the wall to follow Fuji.

Fuji stepped outside, glancing around. He was smiling, as usual, although the expression looked slightly strained.

And then he saw the boy watching coolly from the other end of the hall, beginning to walk towards him, and the smile disappeared completely. He walked briskly towards his room.

Tezuka intercepted him at the door. "Syusuke – "

The tensai shrugged the other boy's hand off his shoulder. "Don't touch me."

Kirihara gazed from one to the other, then darted back towards Ryoma's room. "Saeki-san, we may have trouble. Kikumaru! Get over here!"

"Nya?" The redhead bounded out, but both found themselves staring at an empty corridor.

Saeki and Ryoma followed them to the room. They couldn't hear much of what was going on inside – even though Ryoma had been pressing his ear against the door, no sound leaked out.

"Move," Kirihara ordered.

Ryoma glowered. "Make me."

The other boy's eyes turned a eerie shade of red.

"On second thought," Ryoma squeaked, "I'm tired of standing by the door, anyways." He walked away a few steps.

Kirihara listened intently, then reached down and surreptitiously twisted the doorknob.

Fuji's door was locked.

* * *

"What did you want to talk about, Tezuka-san?" Fuji asked politely, staring out the window.

Tezuka watched him, fists clenching. "Syusuke…"

"I don't believe you have the right to call me that, Tezuka-_san_." The tensai finally turned from the window to face his former love with eyes colder than the winter winds.

"Look, you never let me explain, and I…"

"Tezuka!" Fuji's voice sounded more hurt than angry. "That's not the point! You can do whatever you want with Mizuki. The point is that I no longer give a shit. _I'm not in love with you anymore! Accept that!"_

There was a pause. Tezuka was completely silent, and Fuji felt that he'd won, although he took no pride in the victory. And then, softly, the taller boy took a step towards him. "_Fuji-san,_" he said coldly. "Look in my eyes and tell me that you hate me. Tell me that, and I'll leave you alone forever." He took another step closer.

_Just do it. Do it, and it's all over._ Fuji lifted his gaze until he was staring into those dark eyes…

…"_Tezuka-kun…I need to tell you something." He had never felt so vulnerable, nor thrilled, and he was trembling all over. _

_Tezuka glanced up. "Fuji? Is something the matter?" _

_The other twelve-year-old shook his head mutely before leaning down, closer to the chocolate-colored eyes, and pressing their lips together…_

_Thirteen-year-old Fuji Syusuke sent the ball soaring into the far corner of the court, cheering as Tezuka failed to return it. He paused abruptly. "You could have reached that." _

"_Possibly," the other boy replied emotionlessly. _

_Fuji caught the sparkle in the twinkling eyes. "Why you! Just because it's my birthday, you're letting me off easy? Hmph!" _

"_Not because it's your birthday." Tezuka leaned down, catching Fuji's gaze with his own. "Because I love you." The two of them kissed, under the darkening sky…_

_Fuji ran through the last passage of the second movement of the Bruch concerto. The notes lingered in the air, long after the violin was silent. He bowed to the wild cheering of the audience. _

"_That was beautiful, Syusuke," Tezuka whispered to him after the recital. _

_Fuji smiled. "Thanks. I've been working on it for a while." _

"_Not just the piece. You're beautiful too, love." _

_The fourteen-year-old gazed up and felt himself drowning in the dark eyes. He barely had time to whisper the name 'Kunimitsu' before Tezuka was kissing him, gently, then more passionately. _

_They woke up in each other's arms the next morning, shyly glancing at each other, then moving closer. It was their first time; it was magical, unending, eternal. _

"_I love you, Syusuke." _

"_I love you, Kunimitsu…" _

"You're crying, Syusuke," Tezuka murmured. "Say it, and I'll leave you alone. If not…"

Fuji felt the tears cascading down his face. "I…h…hate…"

And he paused. "I can't say it," he whispered, into the suddenly still surroundings. He knew he probably looked a mess, with the tears dripping onto his shirt and his lip bleeding from where he'd been biting it, but he couldn't turn away from Tezuka. "I can't say it."

"Syusuke…" And then he felt a hand cupping his chin, gently tilting his face upwards, and the lips he'd longed for for so long descending onto his. He closed his eyes, still sobbing into the kiss, inwardly laughing and wondering what obnoxious comment Ryoma would make if he'd been watching…

Ryoma.

Fuji held onto the boy's image like a lifeline and shoved Tezuka away. "Get away from me," he hissed. "I never want to see you again."

"Syusuke?"

"Get away from me!" he yelled, his voice harsh.

Tezuka took a step away, but he was staring into Fuji's sapphire eyes. And in those orbs, along with the hate and pain and betrayal, there was something else.

Longing.

He allowed a small smile to grace his lips. "I'll wait for you," he said softly, and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Fuji sank onto the bed, his shoulders heaving with the force of the sobs.

_What have I gotten myself into…?_

* * *

Eeeeeee. Fuji angst! (Not that I'm any good at writing angst, but oh well.) Will Fuji ever figure out that he should be with Ryoma? (Unless the plot bunnies run away, dragging a screaming Song with them, FujiRyo _is_ the main pairing, after all.) Will Tezuka ever find the perfect person? (Now, that's a better question.) Will Atobe ever discover what Ryoma's revenge for the whole drunk episode was? (Hmm…I wonder.) And, of course, will I ever finish my English essay on time? (No.)

At any rate, here's the summary of the next chapter: Sengoku goes off to the Alps for a day with Nanako, and Mizuki strikes…sort of…Also, Yuuta is drastically poisoned, and Fuji angsts a bit more.


	8. Luck Is Not Infinite

Disclaimer: Irupinet Si Ton Enim

All right. I know I said I wasn't going to update this for the rest of December, but yesterday night I went to hear a violin concert, and it was _amazing. _So I was inspired to write, which is why Mistletoe has been updated, too. Yay.

My English essay was a failure. That'll teach me to write fanfiction. Wait…I'm still doing it, aren't I?

When there are characters playing string instruments, there are all sorts of subtle references that can be made to a 'G string'. But I wouldn't stoop that low. Heh.

And I usually respond to reviewer's comments, but my parents are out of the house right now, and that's the only time I'm allowed on the computer. (They think I'm studying Chem.) So I'll get right to the story. Thanks for the reviews though!

Note: I was in a very bad mood today, so in this chapter, lots of people get hurt. Bleh.

Bachelorette Gone Wrong

Chapter Eight – Luck Is Not Infinite

His hands ran over the polished wood, gently tracing the outline of the instrument. The dark grain undulated in its patterns; the violin shimmered in the dim light. It was beautiful, he knew, and the sound it produced even more so.

Fuji never played when he was happy. His skills were saved for periods of uncertainty, anger, or sorrow. And now, when he felt all three, he could already feel the tune in his fingers, waiting to be released.

He lifted the violin and placed it gently under his chin.

The first melody was much like the ancient tune of Greensleeves, a haunting sound, nostalgic. The bow darted to the e string, and the piercing sweetness cut through his room, sending soft echoes into the farthest corners.

The tune shifted, his fingers moving more slowly, into a variant of Barber's Adagio. The soothing song washed over him, lessening the anger. He felt it slip away, as if fury were a tangible item, and disappear.

Then his hand shifted upwards on the string, and he began the second movement of Vivaldi's Summer, smiling through his sadness as he remembered the first time he'd heard the piece. He'd been six, and had laughed to think that the violist was meant to represent a barking dog, and the solo violin was the slumbering shepard.

Yuuta had been with him, then.

Mendelssohn, and Bruch, and Kreisler; he played through the familiar songs, and then let his fingers move on their own, spinning out a melody that no one had ever heard before.

* * *

"Six hours," Saeki muttered, pacing the hallway. He'd been there for every minute of the six hours. It wasn't just because he enjoyed the playing – which, granted, was lovely – but he knew that if the sound stopped, and fifteen minutes passed, he would have to immediately force the door open due to…past reasons.

There was a crash from inside the room, and a cry, though he couldn't tell whether it was of pain or horror.

He reacted instantly, throwing himself against the door. It was quite well made, however, and he had to resort to the not-as-dramatic way of picking the lock.

The door was flung open, and Saeki screamed his friend's name, staring at the boy's bloody hands.

Fuji gazed up with eyes that were panicked. "My violin."

The white-haired boy turned to the instrument, lying cracked upon the floor. "What…happened?"

"My hands," the tensai whispered, staring at the blood staining them. "I don't know…"

Saeki knelt by him and lifted up the slender hands, staring at the fingers torn by the strings. "Kami-sama…what did you do to yourself?"

Fuji shook his head. "Can it be fixed?"

"I don't know. I'll get Echizen-san, hold on." His friend had been playing even while bleeding; he could tell by the stains on the fingerboard of the violin.

"The violin. Can it be fixed?"

"I…" Saeki stared at him. "Probably."

Fuji sighed. "Get Yuuta."

"I'll get Echizen-san to treat your hands first," the other boy explained, darting towards the stairs.

Rinko listened to his tale for about three seconds before grabbing a box from the medicine cabinet and sprinting upstairs. Saeki turned towards Yuuta's room, knocked on the door, and listened.

There was silence.

He knocked again, more irritably.

The sound of running feet came, and the door was flung open. Mizuki stared at him, wild-eyed. "Get an ambulance. Quick."

"Where's Yuuta?"

"The ambulance, damn you!"

Saeki's gaze fell to the bed behind Mizuki. He pushed the other boy away and took a step inside. "Yuuta?"

Yuuta's face was too pale, his breathing too shallow. Saeki stood paralyzed before whirling and slamming his fist into Mizuki's head. "You bastard! What the fuck did you do to him?!"

"Get _off me!_" the other boy yelled back. "Call the fucking ambulance already!"

"Koujirou?" a soft voice asked, as Fuji entered the room. "Echizen-san says my hands are fine, and shouldn't be too hard to heal…is Yuuta in here?" Regaining his usual smile, the tensai turned to Mizuki. "What are you doing here? I thought I made it clear that conniving bastards weren't supposed to enter my brother's room…"

Saeki, still blocking Yuuta from Fuji's line of sight, said nothing.

Mizuki, halfway to the phone, said nothing.

"Is something wrong?" Fuji asked, still smiling. "Move, Koujirou, I want to talk to Yuuta. Is he even in here?"

"…aniki…" came the weak groan from the bed.

Fuji pushed Saeki swiftly aside. "Yuuta?"

"…it hurts…"

The tensai ran over to his brother, bandaged hands grasping the younger boy's shoulders. "Yuuta!"

Yuuta coughed, moaning, and dropped back onto the pillows.

"What's wrong?"

The younger Fuji opened dull eyes. "I'm never going to try Inui-san's juice again. Ever."

* * *

Fuji's hands were on their way to being healed, Yuuta was quickly recovering, Mizuki was avoiding Ryoma and the FiveK. Everything seemed to be perfectly happy.

"I have no clue what the _fuck_ Niou was thinking, but this isn't funny!"

…well, for the most part, anyways.

Yukimura hid a smile at this uncharacteristic outburst. "It's a bit inconvenient, but it's comfortable here, anyways. I don't think we could have gotten a better hotel, and this place is free."

"What if the girl _chooses_ one of us?"

"Ah…" The effeminate boy considered that. "We'll deal with that. Sometime. If it happens."

Sanada shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe he just sent off two applications for us. Niou is getting to be seriously irritating."

"Technically, Yagyuu mailed them," Yukimura replied. "He was the one that dropped them off at the post office, anyways."

"He does anything Niou tells him too." The two of them walked along the hallway. Sanada paused. "I told Yanagi I'd talk to him after breakfast, so I'll see you later." He bent and kissed the other boy lightly.

Yukimura smiled up at him. "Ok. Before you go, can you put two envelopes in the mailbox for me? They're pretty urgent – I need them sent out straight away."

"Sure." Sanada held out his hand for the envelopes but was surprised to see his boyfriend cracking up. "…Seichi? What's so funny?"

"You're just like Yagyuu!" the other boy choked, trying to conceal his mirth.

"What?" Sanada considered that. "…Seichi, that wasn't funny."

Someone was yelling from down the hall. The two boys turned. "That sounds a bit like…"

"Atobe," Yukimura finished, with a decisive nod. "Shall we see what's wrong?"

"…" Torn between his meeting with Yanagi and staying with Yukimura (with the added bonus of annoying Atobe), Sanada decided that the data specialist wasn't so important after all. "Sure."

The two of them hurried towards the room.

Atobe was tied up in his bed, covered completely with whipped cream, with the obligatory cherry perched on his nose. It would have been an extremely funny sight were it not for the flaming silvery eyes that promised certain death to the youngest member of the Echizen family.

Sanada raised an eyebrow.

Yukimura blinked and tried again not to laugh.

Atobe made a noise that sounded vaguely like 'untie me', although it was a bit hard to tell, due to the whipped cream all over his face.

"I'll go get your companions," Yukimura muttered, and darted out of the room, where he leaned against the wall, wiping tears from his eyes.

Jirou was the only one he could find, and Yukimura had a hell of a time waking up the narcileptic. He finally managed it by smashing two pot lids together (and gaining the attention of everyone else in the room) before dragging the blonde upstairs and explaining the general situation.

"So why don't you untie him yourself?" Jirou yawned.

"Because if we hurt him at all, he'll sue us, and we happen not to be millionaires," was the calm explanation.

"Hmm." Jirou peered into the room and blinked. "Atobe…"

Atobe again made the sound that was probably 'untie me'.

The blonde moved languidly over, absently lifted the cherry from Atobe's nose (with his teeth), lay down beside his cream-covered leader, and promptly fell asleep, having forgotten the reason Yukimura had dragged him there.

Atobe struggled, Jirou snored, and the other two boys exchanged dubious glances. "Let's leave them there," Yukimura suggested, and Sanada wholeheartedly agreed.

* * *

"How's your stomach, Yuuta?" Fuji asked, smiling.

Yuuta let out a short growl. The growl was aimed in Inui's direction, mainly.

Fuji's growl wasn't so short, or so soft, and Inui backed quickly away.

Saeki glanced over, smiling. Both his friends were ok, and it seemed Mizuki hadn't done anything.

His cell phone beeped, so he quickly pulled it out and pressed 'talk'. "Saeki Koujirou here."

"Saeki, it's Sengoku," the other boy called through the phone.

"Ah. How's your day so far? You're skiing with Nanako-san, right?"

There was a brief silence before Sengoku replied ruefully, "Apparently my luck's run out."

"What do you mean?"

"We got caught in a snowstorm, and another skiier accidentally pushed me off one of the small slopes while everyone was struggling to get back to level ground. I…er…broke my leg, so they're shipping me back home for a while."

Saeki cursed, loudly. "You've got to be kidding."

Sengoku sounded a bit guilty. "Well…it was partially my fault, because I'd never actually skiied before, so that was probably why I lost my footing so easily."

"Damn it." The white-haired boy sighed. "I'll talk to you later." He clicked 'end', snapped his phone shut, and stuck it back in his pocket. He gestured to Fuji, who stood, dragging Ryoma with him. The rest of the FiveK trailed behind as well.

"What's going on?" Ryoma asked, having been forcibly removed from a donut.

Saeki groaned. "Sengoku's broken his leg. He's being sent home."

Kikumaru let out a startled 'nya', his eyes widening. "Was it an accident?"

"I hope so. I really hope so."

* * *

Mizuki lifted his phone and dialed. The other phone rang three times before the caller answered, rather irritably. "Yeah?"

"Mizuki here."

"Eh? Oh, it's you. What do you want?"

"Where should I send the payment?"

"Hell, I enjoyed breaking that bastard's leg. I was aiming to kill, but he _is_ called 'lucky', after all. But I gotta get paid anyways, so send it to Yamabuki Lane, number three."

"Ok." Mizuki's smirk widened. "Thank you for completing the first assignment…Akutsu-kun."

* * *

Heh. Watch all the people get hurt! (The sadistic side of me is taking over. Plus I'm still mad about the English grade…grr…)

Anyways, that chapter was way too short, the beginning moved way to fast, and it was overall pretty bad. Sorry.

Keep reading. Next is a short little drabble that's too small to be posted as an actual fanfiction.

* * *

"Konnichiwa, Tezuka-san," Fuji said softly, bowing to Tezuka's grandmother.

The old woman smiled at his manners. "Come right in." She held open the door.

"Thank you." The two boys entered, Tezuka absently dropping his schoolbag in the closet. Fuji turned towards him. "Shall we go…ah…_study_ now?"

"Hai." The taller of the two maintained a perfectly straight face, despite the implicit meanings behind Fuji's statement. They moved towards the stairs.

Tezuka's grandmother watched them go, quite fondly. "Ah…young love. Now, I remember when _I_ was young," she explained to a very interested chair.

As soon as the two were safely in Tezuka's room, Fuji leapt with cat-like grace onto the bed. "That took long enough. Want to finish what we started in the locker room?" His gaze turned slightly predatory. "Sumire-chan just had to lock up at that time…"

"You should call her Ryuzaki-sensei. It's disrespectful."

"It makes her seem old. Sumire-chan is so much more…oh, I don't know…amusing." Fuji toyed with the buttons of his shirt, which seemed to accidentally keep slipping out through the buttonholes. He discarded the shirt triumphantly. "Come on, Tezuka. You're taking Biology, right? You can study my anatomy."

Tezuka raised an eyebrow. "I'd have to cut you apart to do that."

"Fuck me first, and then you can do whatever you want with me." Fuji grinned invitingly, undoing the clasp of his jeans.

Seigaku's captain sighed and wrapped an arm around the other boy. "You're such a flirt, Syusuke," he muttered, licking the creamy neck gently.

"And your language is too good. Most people would use the word 'slut'." Fuji leaned his head back, giving Tezuka full access to his neck.

"You two!" Someone knocked on the door, and both boys froze. "What are you two doing? Would you like something to eat?"

A devilish smile spread across Fuji's face. "I'm eating Kunimitsu right now, but we'll be down in a few minutes."

There was a slight pause. "Oh, ok. Well, come down when you're done. And try not to spill juice anywhere."

Tezuka's grandmother walked away from the room. Fuji gaped at the door. "Kuni…she did not just say that…"

Tezuka glared at him through dark eyes. "She thought you were talking about the _apple_, Fuji."

"Oh." Fuji considered that. "Ohhhh…"

The captain sighed, and once again wondered why he was dating this perverted, sadistic tensai.

Then Fuji was kissing him again, slowly and sweetly, and Tezuka remembered the reason.

-owari-

My writing's getting really strange. And pretty bad. Hmm. Maybe I should quit soon, seeing as my novel's not getting anywhere…


	9. Publicized

Disclaimer: Er…don't feel like writing this…so look at previous chapters.

Tenken no Miko: Eeep. I'm not quitting, so please don't send an army after me! XD You wouldn't want to read my essay anyways, unless you're really interested in the Roman Empire.

Wow, it took me a hell of a long time to post this. Hm.

Chapter 8 – Publicized

Five people walked down the hallways of Ryoma's school, three of them looking quite deadly, one person smiling, and one person looking like he wanted to kill the other four.

Due to An's outburst the other day, quite a few people already had doubts about Ryoma's sexual preference. Having four decidedly pretty bishounen around him didn't help at all.

He could understand one being there, or even two, but did Saeki, Kirihara, and Kikumaru all have to be there? Granted, both he and Fuji – supposedly Mizuki's targets – were there, but still…

Ryoma really tried to ignore the whispers rising in the corridors. However, it was a bit hard to disregard, especially when someone went so far as to say 'Look at Echizen's harem'.

He was in a horrid mood when he stormed into math. On the bright side, Fuji's tutoring had helped him quite a bit, so he managed to get ninety-five percent on the pop quiz handed out. That would usually have helped his mood, were it not for the comment scrawled on the top of the paper – 'Nice effort! Did your girlfriend tutor you?'

Right. He'd almost forgotten that his math class thought Fuji was his girlfriend.

Lunch had never come at a better time, and when the bell signaled the end of English, Ryoma was almost grateful enough to fall on his knees and thank Kami-sama. The cafeteria was rather crowded, but he picked out Momo and An, and walked towards them.

Momo grinned, An waved, and both of them blinked a bit at Saeki, Kirihara, Kikumaru, and Fuji.

"Heard about your harem, Echizen," Momo chuckled.

An elbowed him. "Er…so, who are your friends?"

"Friends?" Ryoma did a very convincing act of looking around in confusion. "Oh, you mean those four. They're not my friends. They're just evil stalker people."

Fuji laughed dryly. "Ah, Ryo-chan, don't be silly." (Ryoma twitched, both at the nickname and at the tone of voice.) "I'm Ryoma's girlfriend, of course. And Saeki-"He turned to the white-haired boy. "Er, who can you be?"

Saeki shrugged. "I'll be your brother, I guess."

"Ok. Saeki's my brother, Kikumaru's my…cousin, and Kirihara's the illegitimate son of Ryoma and me."

Ryoma turned, growling. "Kirihara is _older_ than I am."

"Good point. All right, I had an affair with…with a twenty-year-old American, and Kirihara's the result. There." Fuji smiled. "Perfect. Now we actually have a story to tell any teachers who ask who we are."

Ryoma sighed, and wondered how many ways there were to kill a sadistic tensai.

* * *

Despite the horrible beginning to his day, the day only worsened. Ryoma's fanclub showed up and tried hitting on Saeki this time, which resulted in him losing his temper and actually pulling out a real blade. This ended in a messy situation – the principal showed up, listened to Fuji's explanation of who everyone was, and threw them out of the school. 

Ryoma was pleased about the fact that all four of them were gone. However, walking out of school at the end of the day, he found them all waiting for him.

He growled.

"Ochibi," Kikumaru squealed, waving wildly.

He twitched.

"Ah! Ryo-chan!" Fuji called.

The twitching increased. "Urusai."

"Well, let's go." Saeki leapt to his feet, accompanied by the others. He caught a glimpse of Ryoma's narrowed eyes. "Why the bad mood?"

As expected, the younger boy didn't answer.

Kikumaru sighed. "I'd normally say girlfriend problems, but seeing that Fuji's your girlfriend…"

The black cloud hovering over Ryoma's head only darkened.

The redhead laughed as the five of them walked towards the parking lot. It was Kirihara's turn to drive – Kikumaru had driven in the morning, and, despite his usual hyperactiveness, he was a much better driver than Fuji. Everyone was a bit doubtful of Kirihara's skills, however, especially when a gleam of red showed in his eyes upon being handed Saeki's keys.

"Hang on," Kikumaru muttered, gazing intently at the woods surrounding the school.

Saeki tensed. "What is it?"

"I thought I saw something…never mind." The redhead turned towards the car.

And then, in a fluid movement, he whirled, his hand tightened on what had been previously empty air, and he was suddenly clutching the blade of a knife, its tip quivering three inches from Ryoma's face.

Saeki pushed Ryoma and Fuji into the backseat, slamming the door. Kirihara leapt into the driver's seat, pulling Kikumaru into the passenger side, and Saeki took one last cursory glance into the forest before leaping into the middle row of seats.

The white-haired boy pried Kikumaru's hand open, wincing at the jagged wound where the blade had cut through the redhead's skin. He quickly pulled off his shirt and wrapped it around the boy's hand, ignoring Kikumaru's whimpers.

"Hurry up and drive, damn you," he growled at Kirihara.

Perhaps Kirihara interpreted that statement as 'tear down the road at a speed that defies the laws of physics and crash into every tree on the way'. At any rate, that was what he did.

Ryoma screamed bloody murder, and Kikumaru screamed that his hand already hurt without having to be in a car that was soon going to spontaneously combust, and Saeki screamed at Kirihara to slow down and stay under the speed limit (which was when Ryoma realized just how much of a hypocrite Saeki was), and Fuji screamed that there were millions of people in Japan he hadn't had the chance to torture yet, which wasn't fair.

Kirihara once again interpreted their screams to mean that they were enjoying the ride. He decided to press down all the way on the gas pedal, ignoring the way pedestrians were screaming. (The drivers on the road would have been screaming too, but they were too busy getting out of the mad seventeen-year-old's way.)

It would probably have been the death of them all, had not one fearless policewoman pulled them over and march towards them, rattling off a list of faults.

That is, until she saw what the boys in the car looked like.

"Hanamura-san," Saeki began, reading off the nametag on her outfit, "we've got an injured friend here that needs to be taken immediately to a hospital. That's why we were driving so quickly…"

The police officer licked her lips (effectively smearing her superfluous lipstick) and cast a smoldering glance in Ryoma's direction. "I see. I'll escort you there, then. And perhaps sometime I can give each of you…_private_…driving lessons. After all, I have the ability to turn you all into driving…_masterpieces…_"

"Why, thank you," Saeki replied. "Please do escort us. That is, if you can keep up with us." Kirihara slammed down on the pedal again, and Hanamura was left with only the sound of Ryoma's screams.

* * *

Ryoma frowned at the pristine white surroundings. He was rather uncomfortable in a hospital. After all, it reminded him too much of a vet's office, and ever since Karupin had practically been killed by an inexperienced vet… 

"How did this happen?" the doctor inquired, testing out Kikumaru's hand.

Saeki glanced up. "He caught a knife in midair."

"Isn't that a bit too specific?" Ryoma hissed to Fuji.

"Don't worry. The doctor's nephew is Kikumaru's closest friend. Oishi."

The doctor, wrapping Kikumaru's hand in a length of linen bandage, glanced up at Saeki. "The wound's not too deep, so it won't take long to heal. Make sure he doesn't use that hand for a while, though."

Saeki nodded, one hand resting lightly on the redhead's shoulder.

"And, um…" The doctor coughed pointedly. "Saeki-kun…would you like a shirt…?"

"Oh." The leader of the FiveK glanced at the remains of his first shirt, which had been wrapped around Kikumaru's hand, and winced. "Er, yeah. Thanks."

Five minutes later, Fuji was practically doubled over in laughter, and Saeki fingered the nurse outfit with a kind of horrified resignation.

The doctor, apparently very amused by it all, smirked slightly. "Would you like the skirt and cap to go with the shirt?"

"I think I'll pass."

"Why?" Fuji asked. "The whole crossdressing thing suits you so well!"

Saeki glowered at him. "You just want to see me in a skirt, don't you?"

"Yes," the tensai answered, no hint of teasing in his voice. "And then I'll take a picture, make a hundred copies, and use them for blackmail whenever I want."

"Let's go already," Kirihara muttered from the corner. "I like driving."

The doctor handed out lollipops to all of them – Ryoma blinked at being treated like a five-year-old, but didn't complain, since sugar was _good_ – and they filed out to the car.

Saeki snapped his fingers. "_I'm_ driving."

"No, you're not," Kirihara replied.

The leader of the FiveK slipped into the driver's seat. "Yes, I am."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"And why not?"

Kirihara smirked. "I have the keys."

The period of silence that followed was a period of turmoil in Saeki's mind. There was, of course, the possibility of snapping both of Kirihara's arms, thus granting him access to the keys. However, knowing the boy, Kirihara would end up keeping the keys and driving with his feet.

He sighed, sliding over to the passenger seat. The other three people tensed. Each reached for a seat belt…only to find that Saeki had long ago uninstalled them, labeling them as nuisances.

Now, he was beginning to regret that.

Kikumaru was screaming before they even pulled out of the parking lot. The screaming was not due to sheer terror – although that may have been part of it – but more because his lollipop had just gone flying, bonking Kirihara on the head. The driver blinked as the lollipop obscured half his vision.

"That's not good," Fuji murmured.

"Does it matter? It's not like he ever pays attention to the road." This point was proved as Kirihara completely let go of the wheel – still with the gas pedal pressed to the floor – and removed the lollipop. He tossed the candy back into Kikumaru's hands.

Naturally, the redhead no longer had any wish to eat it, and it was unceremoniously dropped out the window.

Kirihara leaned completely out of the window, hands _still_ off the wheel and the pedal _still_ as far down as possible. Despite the fact that they were heading towards a very sharp turn, he stuck his entire upper torso out of the car to watch the descent of the lollipop. "Hey, look! It got stuck on a squirrel's back!"

Saeki reached over and gave the wheel a three-sixty degree turn. "_Eyes on the road!"_

"Yes, I _know_, Saeki. No need to be so impatient." Kirihara sat back down, grabbing the wheel with around three fingers.

Somehow, Ryoma found Fuji sitting in his lap. Whether this was due to the car's momentum, or some other reason, he didn't really care. He tried pushing the tensai off.

"Ryo-chan," Fuji squealed, "are you trying to _grope_ me?"

Kirihara swiveled again to catch sight of what was going on. Saeki reached over, grabbed a handful of the black curls, and twisted his head around. _"Eyes on the road!"_

"But the backseat's so much more interesting than the road…"

"You wanted to drive, didn't you? Keep driving. I'll give you a running commentary." Saeki glanced at the backseat. "Ok…Syusuke's sitting on Echizen's lap…and Echizen's hands are on Syusuke's…um…_back_, and Kikumaru has procured sixteen lollipops, and is eating them all at once…"

Kirihara pressed down on the brake. The car stopped abruptly. Curses rang out from behind them as around ten cars smashed together. Kikumaru's lollipops went flying in all directions. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Saeki screamed.

"There's a chipmunk in the road! You can't expect me to hurt a chipmunk, can you?"

"You don't have any qualms about hurting _people_!" Saeki, with supernatural strength gained from terror, tossed Kirihara into the backseat and shifted over. "_I'm_ driving."

The car pulled away in a screech of tires, and everyone relaxed at the new, fairly slower speed. Not to say that they were anywhere near the speed limit, but it was still an improvement.

* * *

"Ryoma!" Rinko called. Ryoma winced, wondering if he was going to be berated for getting drunk again. However, his mother was smiling, looking generally innocent. 

"Yeah?" he asked.

"This show's been publicized! It's going to be on TV!"

He froze. "…_what?_"

"Isn't this great?" Nanjiroh squealed, coming out from another room. "All the girls will be admiring my fine physique!"

"Or lack thereof," Ryoma retorted. He paused. "So…what's going to happen?"

The doorbell rang. Rinko rushed over and pulled it open.

Ryoma suddenly found himself face-to-face with about sixty videocameras. "You…can't be serious…"

"Aww. Is Ochibi scared of cameras?" Kikumaru grinned, flashing a 'v' sign at the cameras. "This is so cool, nya!"

"What happened to your hand?" Rinko asked.

"Eh? Oh, I slipped and fell on a really sharp rock." He continued waving at the cameras.

"They're off," Ryoma hissed at him. "See? The little red light isn't on."

Fuji sidled past the cameras, looking mildly amused. That is, until one of the filmers stopped him. "Hey, are you the girl? Echizen Nanako, or whatever?"

"Um, no." He backed away. "I'm one of the contestants."

"Then…" The man swiveled. "Ah! You must be!"

Sanada growled as Yukimura blinked. "No…"

Saeki entered as well, then stopped, his eyes focusing on one photographer at the back of the crowd. He gazed at the predatory eyes, then at the hint of pale grey hair peeking out from underneath the cap.

"Akutsu…"

* * *

Um...yeah. Blink. Happy day between Xmas and New year's! 


	10. Kidnapped

Disclaimer: ……..

To Kasugai Gummie: Fuji-violin tensai. Because…um…violins are cool. Yeah. (blink)

Wrong Window dear: Thanks so much for the sites!

SaN: Um. Dunno. (You should know by now that plotholes abound in all my stories...) And if I like chipmunks, the people in my fics like chipmunks! (They're so cute! And fuzzy!) (Gather IS one of the best songs ever!)

Bachelorette Gone Wrong

Chapter Ten – Kidnapped

"Hello. This is Murasaki Atsuko, filming the newest Japanese game show: The Bachelorette. We have with us here the cousin of the 'Bachelorette'. Echizen Ryoma, could you give us a quick description of your cousin?"

"Yadda." Ryoma sidled away from the camera.

Atsuko blinked and signaled for the camera to be turned off. "Come on, we need you to just tell us a bit about Nanako-san. You can do that, can't you? I know, I'll give you a lollipop if you do!"

What was with adults thinking he could be bribed with lollipops? He glared at her.

"Oh, come on. Be a good little boy." She turned to one of the photographers and shook her head in desperation. "You try." In an undertone, she hissed, "Twelve-year-olds are so bratty."

Ryoma's glare grew even more intense. "That would make sense if there was a twelve-year-old in your general vicinity."

Atsuko turned back to him. "What? How old are you then?"

"_Sixteen._" He stormed away, ignoring Fuji's soft laughter. It really wasn't funny. He'd dealt with way too many snipes about his height, and this was getting seriously irritating. At this rate, he'd probably have an emotional breakdown.

Saeki had been trying to convince Rinko to get all the cameramen out of the house, which Ryoma was grateful for, but…it wasn't working. He growled, slumping onto one of the couches, wondering what would happen if he snapped and threw a bomb into the midst of the photographers.

There was a bright flash, and Ryoma did indeed snap, springing from the couch and tackling the photographer.

"Please," Saeki snarled, sounding rather stressed, "don't do that in public."

Ryoma blinked down at an innocently smiling Fuji who was holding a digital camera. "Why, you…!"

Fuji blinked at the screen of the digital. "Hmm. You look like a cat in this picture, Ryo-chan. I mean, you're leaping at the camera and all…by the way, could you get off me now?"

The younger boy climbed back onto the couch, snatching the tensai's camera in the process. He clicked a few buttons randomly. "Hey…how do you delete pics?" he asked, after his random clicking had rewarded him with the camera taking a picture of Fuji's foot.

"You're going to break the camera, you brat!" Fuji scrambled after him, trying to rescue his camera and just about squashing Ryoma in the process.

Saeki watched detachedly. _Should I tell them that all this is being filmed? Should I…or shouldn't I? Well, they've been annoying lately, so I won't._

Kikumaru walked – well, bounced – over, glancing at the cameras. "Hi," he remarked to a videocamera.

The camera didn't answer. How disappointing.

The redhead gazed thoughtfully at the couch, merely because Saeki was. After a few seconds, his mind processed the image. "Fuji and Ochibi, nya! What are you doing?" He snatched up the digital from where it'd fallen on the floor and began snapping pictures.

"Eh?" Ryoma asked, lifting his head from the couch. He realized, a bit belatedly, that Fuji was just about straddling him and pawing him all over to find the camera.

Saeki turned to Kikumaru. "The camera records twenty seconds of film," he said lazily, before drifting off in the general direction of the stairs, trailing a certain white-haired photographer.

"Wait, there's the camera!" Fuji pounced at Kikumaru, who captured the entire leap on the camera. "Look, you're like a jaguar or something!"

"That's cute," the tensai replied, glancing at the videorecorder before turning to the redhead. "Why, want me to eat you?"

The sound of a book slamming shut caused them all to jump. "Must you flirt with everyone?" Tezuka asked coldly, dropping the book on the table.

"Why, Tezuka-_san_, jealous?" Fuji snapped back.

Murasaki Atsuko darted forward. "Look, it seems like a rivalry has started between two contestants: flirty playboy Fuji Syusuke and…what's your name again?" she asked Tezuka.

Both boys whirled away and stalked off in opposite directions, Tezuka storming out of the house.

Atsuko frowned. "It's no good if they won't participate. The introductory episode's supposed to air tonight."

"Look, whoever-you-are," Ryoma yawned, "none of us care if you lose your job." He stood, starting after Fuji.

And stopped, as a photographer leapt down off the balcony to land cat-like in front of him. He groaned. "Now the photographers can fly? Really, isn't this getting a bit excessi-"

Akutsu's hand clamped over Ryoma's mouth, and the boy swooned under the influence of the chloroform pad. Within seconds, both predator and victim were gone.

* * *

"Ah, where's Ochibi? Saeki's gonna be mad when he finds out I wasn't watching him…" Kikumaru started towards the stairs, stopping suddenly as a low moan greeted his ears. "…hello?"

He continued moving cautiously up the steps, one hand on the knife that every member of the FiveK carried. He really wished Kirihara and Kaidoh were here, but they were standing guard over Fuji, and damned Sengoku had gotten his leg broken. At least Saeki was watching Ryoma.

"Saeki?" he asked, catching a glimpse of white hair. That was strange. He took another step forward and froze.

A dark crimson stain covered the front of his leader's shirt, and the boy was leaning against the wall, his hands clutching his stomach, silver eyes tightly closed.

"Saeki!"

He lifted his head fractionally. "What the hell are you doing? Go find Echizen!"

"But Saeki…"

"Don't worry about me!" Saeki made a valiant effort to stand straight. "_Go find Echizen!"_

"H…hai." Kikumaru scrambled back down the stairs, glancing around. Well, there was Ryoma's hat; the brat had to be somewhere nearby. He lifted the cap, then glanced at the pad underneath and froze.

_Chloroform…?_

* * *

Golden eyes blinked slowly open. Ryoma lifted his head, glancing around. He was about to speak when he heard voices near him.

"So…we've got the brat. Now what?"

"Don't be impatient, Akutsu." There was a pause, during which Ryoma's eyes flickered from side to side. He was in a car, in the backseat, apparently tied up.

"I'm not impatient. I just prefer…well, killing to kidnapping."

"So crude. Don't worry, after this you'll have enough money to quit that other job of yours…Mizuki, or whatever. You were supposed to kill Syusuke, right?"

"Yeah."

"Hm. It's good that I recruited you for this job. I happen to care for Syusuke quite a bit, you know."

"You would." There was silence for a while. "He's waiting. Come on."

The car stopped. Doors opened and closed; Ryoma was left alone in the backseat, wondering just what would happen to him.

It was dark when he heard voices again. He'd dozed off for a while – after all, there wasn't much to do, being tied up in the empty backseat of an equally empty car. The door slid open; a hand grabbed his wrist and yanked him out.

He blinked up at two people. One was faintly familiar – it took him a minute to recognize. "Hey…you're one of the photographers…"

Akutsu laughed. "You really are thick! You seriously still think I'm a photographer?"

Ryoma's gaze flickered over to the other person. He studied the cold expression, the aristocratic features, the narrowed eyes.

"Who…?"

"You don't remember me, Ryoma-kun?" the soft voice purred.

He blinked. "Should I?"

"I used to be called 'Ryu', if that helps your memory any."

Hm. He considered that. His eyes widened. "Kami-sama."

"Mm." The woman pulled back her hood, revealing golden-brown tresses, much like those of a certain tensai. "I suppose Syusuke never mentioned me to you? I was the disgrace of the family, after all. After your mother had me stuck in jail just for a simple robbery…" She took a deep breath. "…that's not the point, of course. Anyways, it's nice to meet you again, Ryoma-kun."

Ryoma stared at her. "How'd you get out of jail? I thought all the members of your little gang were stuck in there…"

"You're very naïve. My 'little gang' rules practically all of Japan. And, of course, I'm quite high up. No one calls me by my gang name anymore; now 'Yumiko' is sufficient to strike fear into anyone's heart."

Fuji Yumiko. Of course. He vaguely remembered sitting wide-eyed at her trial. Rinko had been the opposing lawyer, and had done one of her typical brilliant jobs; Yumiko never had a chance. A six-year sentence, followed by community service…

"So you did this whole thing to get back at my mother?" he asked, staring at her. She was so definitely insane it wasn't even funny.

"Not exactly." Yumiko pulled her hood back up, casting her face into shadow. "Mizuki hired Akutsu to kill my little brother. I couldn't possibly allow that, of course. After this, Akutsu'll get to retire, and Syusuke will be safe for a while." She smirked. "I would step in to help him, but he'd probably pretend I wasn't there."

Ryoma blinked at her in silence. "…wouldn't it be easier to just kill Mizuki?"

"I make it a rule never to kill hot boys," she answered. "Anyways, I'm not the one wanting you kidnapped." A slight smile tilted the edges of her lips. "It's time for you to meet the boss."

* * *

Fuji's phone rang as he finished wrapping linen around Saeki's chest. (There went Mizuki's blankets. Oh well.) He clicked 'talk' and stuck the phone under his ear, still fixing the bandages.

-Syusuke, dear! Guess who!-

His finger automatically pressed end, and he dropped the phone to the bed, frowning.

The phone rang again. Kirihara blinked at him. "Shouldn't you answer that?"

He blinked. "Ah…yes…"

-Come now, Syusuke. No need to be so cold to your older sister, is there?-

"What do you want?" he hissed.

He heard Yumiko's laughter trilling on the other end. –I just called to help your search.-

Fuji pulled the phone away from his ear a few centimeters and stared at it. "Search?"

-I know where Ryoma-kun is…-

"What?"

-Mm. Wouldn't you like to know?-

"Where?" he demanded, clicking up the volume.

Another soft laugh. –Well…see, that's the problem. I don't particularly feel like giving you information for free.-

Fuji hesitated. "What do you want?"

-It's what my boss wants. He happened to kidnap Ryoma-kun for a reason, you know.- Yumiko paused. –You see, Syusuke-

There was an annoyed yell before the line went dead. Fuji blinked at his phone, shaking it a few times. "Yumiko?"

* * *

"What was that for?" Yumiko asked, staring at the twisted plastic on the floor. "You owe me a new cell phone. Sixth time this week."

"Yumi, _darling,_" her companion purred, "we simply can't have you telling your sweet little brother where we are."

"Why not? I thought you wanted my 'sweet little brother'." Yumiko shrugged, smiling, at him.

He glared at her. "And it helps to make it blatantly obvious where we were? Do you want the police after us?"

"I wouldn't mind. Some of those policement are hot." She grinned, smoothing down the folds of her black miniskirt.

He sighed, running a hand through his already unruly brown locks. "…I never thought I'd go so far as to hire you to get your brother."

"Aww. But you love me, don't you?" Yumiko ran her hand along his arm and smirked when he pulled away. "You remember the conditions, right? No hurting Syusuke, no killing Syusuke…well, no doing anything bad to Syusuke, basically. And no killing Ryoma, because that's simply not nice. I don't do killing."

"'Not nice'?" He repeated. "Since when do you care whether or not things are nice?"

She frowned at him. "Well, it'd annoy Syusuke."

"Mm." His eyes flickered in the direction of the next room, where Akutsu was guarding Ryoma. "So you don't mind the plan?"

"Let's see." Yumiko ticked off the steps. "One: We capture Ryoma. Check. Two: You tell Syusuke that unless he does everything you want him to, Ryoma dies. Not yet, because you just smashed my phone. Three: We return Ryoma, and you get to keep Syusuke."

He nodded.

"There is no possible way this will work," Yumiko continued. "You are either insane or mad."

"Neither was medically proven," the boy deadpanned.

She stared at him. "…did you just make a joke? I must be a bad influence on you."

He raised an eyebrow. "It wasn't a joke. Neither was medically proven. Seriously."

* * *

Saeki blinked at the phone. "We could have traced the call," he pointed out.

"It sounds like the phone was destroyed, so it wouldn't have helped." Fuji flopped down on the bed, flinging a hand over his eyes. "If it's Yumiko, she won't kill Ryoma, but…"

"What're we going to tell Echizen-san?" Kirihara asked, worriedly.

There was a knock on the door. "Is Ryoma in there?" Rinko's voice called. "We need him for something."

"Um, he said he was staying over at a friend's house," Saeki fabricated.

"Which friend?"

"Er…" Fuji ran through a random list of names. "Ann."

Rinko sighed with relief. "That's good. Her house is just a few blocks away. I'll go pick him up, thanks."

"Wait!" Saeki leapt for the door. "We wouldn't want you having to go through that inconvenience. We'll go."

"Um…" The lawyer stared at them. "Ok, thanks."

"Great." Saeki grabbed the rest of the FiveK and Fuji, then dragged them out of the room.

Rinko blinked at them. "What's wrong with Saeki-san's chest?" she mused to herself. "And…how do they know Ann-chan's address…?"

"What are we going to do now?" Kikumaru asked, slumped in the passenger seat.

Kaidoh hissed at him. This may have been because Kaidoh had been forced to sit in the backseat, which was a bit cramped.

Saeki gazed at all the people in the car (Fuji was driving), and sighed. "Kirihara…"

"Yes?"

The white-haired boy paused before saying in an abnormally cheerful voice, "Let's play dress-up!"

After a lot of searching, it was discovered that though Ryoma's cap wasn't hard to find at all, Seigaku jackets were custom made.

While Fuji and Saeki flirted shamelessly with the new female clerk, Kaidoh slipped into the back and scooped up the entire pile of Seigaku jackets, thus ensuring that there would be one which would fit Kirihara.

Afterwards, the five of them wandered off to a salon.

"No," Kirihara said firmly.

Saeki blinked at him. "To what?"

"Just…no." The younger boy growled. "I am _not_ changing my hairstyle."

"Well, you and Kaidoh are the only ones with black hair, and Kaidoh's obviously too scary and ugly," Kikumaru retorted.

Kaidoh hissed. Unfortunately, this hiss wasn't very effective, and the redhead merely stuck out his tongue.

"Well, I'm not letting anyone else touch my hair. I'll do it myself." Kirihara spoke like a martyr, despite the fact that his precious, precious curls were soon going to be _straight_.

"That may not be such a good idea," Fuji warned.

Fuji turned out to be right.

The boys bought a pair of straighteners (ignoring the strange looks tossed to them from just about everyone there) and slipped back into the Echizen house, avoiding Rinko at all costs. Then, while Kirihara adamantly demanded to be alone, the four others hypothesized about whether Mizuki was behind their conflict. (It wasn't much of a hypothesis, since everyone firmly said 'yes'.)

It was the smell of burning hair and the yelps of pain that sent them rushing back into the room.

"What did you do to yourself?!" Saeki shrieked.

Kirihara whimpered.

"Well, um," Fuji coughed tactfully, "I heard that the 'punk' look is 'in' this year…"

"Yeah, but not the 'I-burned-half-my-hair-off-in-an-attempt-to-look-like-an-idiot' look!"

"It's your fault!" Kirihara yelled, seething. (His eyes were going red, which was never a good sign.)

"Hm." Kikumaru grabbed the cap from the ground. He plopped it on Kirihara's head. All of them stopped to admire the effect.

"You actually look a bit like Ochibi," Kikumaru remarked, after lengthy speculation.

Fuji nodded. "Yeah, because you only sheared off the top of your head and actually managed to straighten your bangs…"

"Here." Kaidoh held out the Seigaku jacket. Still pouting, Kirihara slipped it on.

"Wow, you really look like Ochibi," Kikumaru chirped.

Saeki raised an eyebrow. "Right. So we can tell Echizen-san that Echizen had his growth spurt, and it'll be totally believable, right?"

"Yeah…"

* * *

"I don't believe it."

Rinko folded her arms and sighed. "Ok, I'll let Ryoma stay at Ann's house for another few hours. But tell him to be back by nine, ok?"

"Sure." Saeki dragged Kirihara out of the room.

"You ruined my hair for nothing!" was the loud shriek that followed soon after.

The leader of the FiveK, still restraining Kirihara from tearing out handfuls of his white hair, waved to the others. "Basically," he explained, "we'll need to get Echizen back by nine. Ow!" He glared at Kirihara, who was holding several white strands. "Stop that, you brat!"

"That gives us six hours," Fuji pointed out.

There was a pause as Fuji's phone rang once more. He sighed. "Hello?"

-Listen to my demands, and Ryoma will be freed…-

Fuji froze. "…Tezuka?"

* * *

Yes! Song is back! (Waits for applause) (Hears none) Um…hi? (Silence.) I know what happened! In the weeks of not updating, you have all forgotten me! (Runs off crying)

Er…ehehe…if you haven't forgotten me, the review button's in the corner…


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